My odd encounters with humans as of late

It seems that this protruding thing I tote around causes much attention. Well, that might be because it enters a room before I do:>( Mark my words.... my boobs will start entering a room before I do once again soon, oh so very soon. Either naturally or cosmetically enhanced ones. ANYWHO... I digress.

So, lately I have had some very random encounters with humans. Take yesterday for example. I traipse in to a gas station, one that I am not a regular at by any means, and this girl goes ape shit over my bump/bulge/speed hump/whatever. Mind you- I have NEVER in my life seen this Mexican girl. I was befuddled by the fact that this young girl was not in school, as in why in the hell was she not at the high school up the road? Why was she here, annoying me? Well, Yukon doesn't have the deepest gene pool, so I chalked it up to the failed education system.

Well, this total and complete strangers says things about how big I am, when are you due and then the UNTHINKABLE happens. She asks if she can touch it! Are you strokin' me, smalls? What? Who does that to a stranger? Not me. I said "No, that is a very odd request." She follows me to the drink dispenser. I was being stalked in the store and the allure of just a little bit of Sprite had me trapped. Finally, I gave her the stink eye that I have perfected on the Paparazzi Aunt that belongs to Chisolm. It scared Mexican and along I went without being pawed.

Another gas station incident wasn't so much about me, as it was him. I am tooling out of the lot and I glimpse to my left. No, I couldn't have seen what I think I saw! There is no way in hell anyone is that dumb.... well, I was wrong. I stare at this gentleman for moments. I completely stop my car to glare at him. Yep. He was smoking..... while pumping gas...... while wearing OU clothes. I am so glad he doesn't wear the colors of the school I love and call home. How embarrassing, huh? And, my other question- how can something like a smoke have that much hold over you that you can't wait three minutes until you are back in your car and driving off? Because I know damn good and well that he wasn't above smoking in his 1997 Ford Fiesta. I squealed out of there, followed by many other people who possessed OSU Alumni stickers. We aren't no dummies!

The fed ex man had some child naming advice for me. His real God given name is Barney. He goes by Joe. He said... don't name your kid Barney. That damn purple dinosaur ruined it for everyone. Okay. So, with that wisdom, you can draw the conclusion that I won't have a son named Barney come Monday. Or daughter, I guess, in our case.

And this last one is a nice one. I was deep into conversing with my mom the other day as I pulled back into work. I thought nothing of it, sat in my car and was there for over 10 minutes. And the reason I know that is b/c Larz shut the radio off on me. So, chat, chat, chat and the local bar fly/owner comes up to me. Mind you, I office between two bars and across the street from one. This particular owner is ALWAYS out there at noon, Bud Light in hand, with his drinking buddy John. As I leave my office for lunch or whatnot, we inevitably chat and the chats lately have been about the rapid growth on my frontal side.

So, in my car I set and here he comes. Mom's chatting, I tell her to hush it and the bar fly says "Are you okay? John and I saw you pull up and you haven't gotten out, so we were scared you were in labor." Now wasn't that nice? They paid attention to someone and took the time to worry. That isn't something that happens every day. If I were in NYC, do you think someone would have observed that and had the slightest bit of worry? Nope. Only in the small town. As I finally make my way to the office, they yelled at me that it was November and I could have these kids any day. Our innocent random chats have stuck with them. That sort of makes me believe in humans. Not sure why. Maybe it's the "hormones"

Okay, until later. I should finish my actual office work. Yes. Still in the office. Mind you, I don't make rocket ships, so it isn't too strenuous!

A-Z about me

Stole this b/c I am not feeling to whoopee today. Just blah, and it has been forever since I decided to teach you anything. HA.

1- Apples or Oranges: Apples- granny smith or pink ladies. Have to be crispy- NO MUCH!
2- Bed.... YES PLEASE! Oh wait- I have one, yep.
3- Chore I hate- putting clothes away. That and folding them.
4- Dog- Not allowed to have one:(
5- Essential start to day- Brushing teeth!!!!!
6- Favorite color- OSU Orange, pretty please
7- Gold or Silver? Silver all the way.
8- Height- 5 foot 9 1/2 inches. Yes, give me my 1/2 please?
9- Instruments I play? None. Tried the sax in elementary, but only thing I learned was to forge my daddy's signature:)
10- Job you most liked- had a blast at Toys R Us one Christmas season.
11- Kids... Incubating two right now that are about to be served with an eviction notice.
12- Live in: brick and mortar for sale house.. anyone want to buy it?
13- Make of Car. Dodge, much to my grandfathers chagrin.
14- Nicknames? Keffer, Princess, Bones
15- Overnight hospital stays- none YET, see number 11
16- Pet Peeves? sucking teeth, whispering to yourself, dragging your feet and making me put my clothes away.
17- Quote from a movie... I am drawing a blank right meow.
18- Scary movies, yes or no? HELL to the NO!
19- TV Shows- too many since we got a dvr. Gossip Girl, Greys, Wheel of Fortune
20- Underwear. Hate them. Despise them, see no use for them.
21- Vegetables I hate.... Brussel sprouts but have never eaten them, radishes,
22- What makes me run late? The simple act of attempting to wake up. Can't do it. Always late. have been since birth.
23- x-rays? Plenty as a kid.
24- Yummy food I make? Hum.. I do actually cook. What is yummy? All of it?
25- Zoo Animal- Love me some dressed fancy penguins!

Tada!

Misc. Monday

Welcome to another addition of my boring life forced upon you.......

1) I am listening to a CD I burnt in 2004. Yep. I just mentioned CD and 2004 in the same sentence. It is old. It skips. I don't care. I had the world by the tail, a graduation date in sight and a minimum wage job that didn't cover my needs but sure made me a happy fool. I skipped so much history that I would get the results of my last test. I passed, with a C. It was freshman history, BTW. We would stay up until like 6 a.m. hanging out in the backyard. We often found random people sleeping on our couch. One particular person stayed for months. Then I graduated, life changed and I hold on to old CD's for dear life.

2) My brother up and got a full-time real job not near me. How rude was that? He didn't even really ask me if I would allow him to leave. How rude is that?! I joke, I joke. Who would have thought that two Keffer's would graduate OSU without a criminal record, children, mental breakdown or outstanding warrants. Pretty stellar I must say:) Well, since our whole family isn't that squeaky clean.

3) OSU is #5 and the Colts are not. Good think I have my Alma mater, huh? Maybe the Colts will draft the OSU QB..... In case Peyton is reading this- I love you, but I know you won't last forever. I am okay with that. Teach someone to be as great as you are. It is that simple. Please and Thanks.

4) I read a great article in the Daily Oklahoman about the state fair. It was about how the reporter got to see agriculture. Well written, so I wrote the author a thank you email. She responded to it. I think that was nice of her.

5) My life is so boring those are the only things I can think to type about. It is Monday, a dude being a jackass just called. I want to clock out. So, I won't bore you any more. Thanks for playing along y'all. KCK

Hump Day Humor

Let me set this up- I work with Jack and Jill. They are hysterical grandparents who could almost make me blush. Almost. They are that funny. We give each other a load of crap and it is like having a full set of grandparents to be with every day, if only mine were to talk about penis' and the likes.

Well, Jack is a very active "elderly" lawyer. He curses and makes fun of his still living classmates that live a sedimentary lifestyle. He knows if he slows down, he too will become the drooling heaps of cholesterol he loathes. Therefore, every morning he goes to a co-ed YMCA to swim. He does this so his diet can consist solely of chocolate, ice cream and coffee. (His wife can be quoted as telling me that he will eat three or four spoons of ice cream while waiting for the morning coffee to brew!)

Yesterday was no exception in Jack's routine, and off the the Y he goes. Only, when he called in and sent Jill into a fit of hysterics that had me brushing up on my CPR to aide her, his morning hadn't gone a planned. You see, instead of showing in his speedo (yes. speedo) he hopped in buck ass naked. That meant he strutted out to the pool buck ass naked. Causing him to strut back to the locker room still buck ass naked. Tossing on his bottoms and cruising out to apologize to the ladies all ready in the pool, he got two shocking responses. One woman told him she couldn't see that far and the other one said "Hell, I've seen it all." I like these old birds!!

When he got to the office today, there was a sign requiring shirt, shoes and pants to enter. Jill was quick to whip out the clip art and formulate little signs. And, she has only called him Buck all day. The saying "keep your pants on" has been utilized by yours truly a few times today:) I am that quick!

If you hadn't exercised your facial muscle today, I hope that did it for you. Go to www.eddiehaynesinc.com and hit up the associates page to get a look at Jack, with clothes, to enhance the giggle!

Peeing

In my many years of urination and of raising livestock, I have come to figure out that peeing has a sound. My dad using the saying "raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock" when we have really fast, rapid, gully washer rain. It splatters. It makes a sound.

The reason for me dragging you into a situation of learning about peeing is this story:

Saturday, as I was navigating Sam's club, our realtor called me. He informed me of a couple who wanted to see the house, could I get it together, blah, blah. At this point, the conversation was totally normal, sounded like any other business professional calling a client. Then it took a dramatic turn for the worse. As he was breaking my little heart informing me that someone who loved our house, needed to move in fast, was a real "live one" had disappeared. I was so into his story that I was listening very intently. Then I heard it. It started slowly. I heard his voice echo. That echo sound of a bathroom. (I know this b/c I have heard it from friends/done it to friends but those are friends, not clients) I hear his voice ricochet off the walls. Then I heard the stream of urine making its way from the ureter to the bowl. That is a distance for men, due to their standing up. It echoed, made the pee sound, he was peeing in my ear.

It took me a few seconds to grasp that I was just in the bathroom with my realtor, while he was peeing. Not only have I taken out ads in newspapers, put our house on craigslist, printed off flyers, put them in "take one" tubes on our signs and hand made signs to cover this realtors ass, I have been to pee with him. I must say his prostate is healthy, or healthy enough to be picked up by a new version of the iPhone. Who does this? Honestly, would you keep this man as your professional realtor or would you can his ass?

I miss

Okay. By now the cat's out of the bag. I went and got knocked up with twins. Yep. I have always been a leader, an over achiever, right? HA. Guess my womb took up the slack and decided to overachieve. I think the long-term boyfriends of years ago have all taken a deep sigh of relief knowing we didn't work out, we didn't stand at an alter together and they aren't fathering two kids at one time. Two cars, two college educations, two strollers, two DEEP BREATHES. Sometimes I panic. Others, I just think I am normal and you singleton momma's are abnormal.

Anyway. Since I have started this incubating debacle I have encountered a few things that I miss, I really, really miss. At first, I figured I would miss the taste of beer oh so very much, and happy hours. Turns out Oklahoma has been handed a weather death sentence this summer and patio/happy hours would have been limited. Just my luck, right?! Mind you, I will huff a brew when it passes under my nose and I did let a little drop of a beer touch my tongue. Momma still likes the taste, so don't worry I am going to change my spots. But, that hasn't been my number one thing missing.

I miss my deep belly button. Gross and random, I know. Maybe TMI, but it's the truth. I love to stick my finger in it. Not sure why, always have, not just a random, nervous habit. Just a habit in general, a lot like my hair twirling. I have a cute, deep, clean belly button. CORRECTION- had. Sure hope the damn thing goes back to normal.

My designer jeans are gathering dust. I miss putting my butt cheeks in expensive denim and wearing them proudly. Not to brag, but I often thought I sort of rocked them. Not Heidi Klum, super model rocked them but in a sassy KC type way. This whole process is not allowing me to wear them. I don't know if my arse is getting larger (no comments from the peanut gallery, okay) or what, but I hope like crazy these two aliens don't strip me of the joy of wearing those jeans again after I calve.

Another thing I miss..... people calling simply to chat with me, about my day, their day, our lives. Not treating me like a container for the happiness they desire. I am simply called upon to check in on Thing one and Thing two. My daddy checks in on them, I am an after thought any more. I am simply a container for life. Long and short of it, everyone will always call about these silly kids from now on. If you are my friend and reading this..... please call me and chat, giggle and enjoy the conversation without feeling like you have to get a status update from my womb. I won't be offended. I think I have almost lost a very close friend, b/c she feels she has to ask those questions but in real life she could give two shits about the answers. She just doesn't care and that is okay with me. Not everyone can wrap their heads around me harboring twins. Most of the time it is me scratching my head and wondering "how did this happen?"

I miss Diet Coke, but I hope it doesn't become a staple in my life again. It wasn't that hard to cut out and I hope I stay strong on that. I miss being strong willed against my sweet tooth, too. That has to stop once I pop.

Not that my feet are pretty but seeing them used to be normal. I would like to know that they are there and all toes are present and accounted for. Yes folks, that means I know possess enough stomach to not be able to see my feet. I feel bad for the men that haven't seen them in years:) heehee.

And last but not least, I miss being spontaneous and actually enjoying seeing people. I am avoiding people like the plague. I am shallow. I will admit it. This excess weight is wearing me out, and I am hiding from everyone. I spend a lot of time at home, which let me tell you can be pretty damn boring when it's too hot to even walk outside. I miss just being able to drive a long drive without seeking a doctors okay. Pregnant women are sort of treated like invalids. Especially one toting two bambinos around. So, if you invite me to something and I dodge the event, simply know it isn't you. It is me and I dodge everyone, especially events that might have cameras involved. No pictures please!

That about wraps it up for this whining session. Thanks for reading along.

Do as I say........

Not as I do! Well, sort of. I do the following and I want you to join me.

First, click on this link and support breast cancer research. I have mentioned it before, and I can't tell if you are listening:) I saved it as a favorite and I click each day. Who knows if it is working, but I am not going to risk my ta-ta's to find out.

Do get your nominations in for the Best of the Barns Competition created and hosted by Ranch House Designs (RHD from here on out). Then you can look at this page of theirs and see yours truly....... Which leads me to my next do as I say- if you, your farm, ranch or company needs or desires a new website, logo, promotion ad, let me help you. As a RHD rep, I am here to serve you and help you get what you deserve. If you are hesitant to let a larger company handle your website creation and maintenance, don't forget that your fee will include unlimited edits to text and pictures by a company that prides themselves on speedy and correct turn around. YOU won't be disappointed.

You should really start to follow this blog, Rural Gone Urban. Brooke Clay rocks and she has a badA table for sale right now. Scroll to find that post and snatch it up. I would, but my house is too small as it is and I don't see it getting any larger in the upcoming months.

Terri Keffer is an amazing mom and now she can be your amazing Mary Kay sales rep. Give her a shout at (765) 366-4085. You can buy your makeup from her or become a MK sale rep yourself. I am currently obsessed with their eye makeup remover!

I work for Buford Resources Inc, who is under the broker of Eddie Haynes, Inc. We sell land, we handle all the promotions in house (where I come in to play) and we are just great people (or so I think so) Please go "like" Buford Resources Inc. on FB to keep up with what we have on our auction calendar, what we can do for you and how you can benefit from allowing us, trusting us to sell your land.

Fill me in if you use Skype. I have an account, but no one to chat with so I don't know if it will be useful for staying in touch with everyone back home. Comment time, people!

Okay. Now that I have sufficiently brainwashed you, you may do as you wish.

Misc. Monday

1) I am on a wild goose chase. I am to find advertising and media outlets for truck washes. Low and behold, there isn't a large number of publications that specialize in truck washes. Makes me giggle, however, when I think of the "truck stop/truck wash" in CrawfordTucky (aka: Crawfordsville) Indiana. I think it's the strip club. Or, the strip club is by the truck wash. Maybe I should send my boss to investigate. Might make him a bit more cheery.

2) My grocery list consisted of four little items. Milk would be the only thing that wouldn't fit in to the only bag I needed to carry out of Wal-Mart. That is until I allow Circle K to wonder the aisles with me. Man. He even giggled and said "I bet this is why I am not allowed to grocery shop with you, huh?"
* Original list: Milk, eggs, pancake mix, Bisquick and jalapenos (random stuff we just ran out of and/or was just brought to my attention.) Needing the milk and eggs, I decided this was trip worthy.
* Contents of final six bags: hot dogs (first time they have entered the Lonetree Drive house) brats, frozen blueberries, multi-grain tortillas, 2 kinds of cereal bars, heat and eat pot roast, jumbles mix, frozen fruit bars, three small containers of ice cream, original list items, InTouch, Life&Style magazine, Comanche Moon (guess it is the prequel to Lonesome Dove?) grapes, baby carrots, whole wheat hot dog buns, sandwich pickles, and maybe one other thing.

So, can you tell my purchases? I like to be healthy:)

3) My Pandora mix list today includes: Michael Buble, Bob Marley, Norah Jones, Eli Young, Kid Rock, Dierks Bentley, Miranda Lambert, Disturbed and Jessica Simpson. Don't ask. I have no explanation. I plead the 5th.

4) Roads are buckling in Oklahoma due to the heat and it is making my whole office irritable. And, not just me. We need to close up shop and go on vacation for a week. No together time. I think it will save us from needing to hide a body someday soon. Just hope it's not my body, but I know I am snarky too. I can't help but roll my eyes at dumb stuff these days. I mean, how else am I going to know if my high dollar wrinkle cream works if I don't give the "Hey dumbass" look every once and again?!?!?

5) We have someone looking at our house tomorrow. I know, I know someone will fall in love with it like we did:) I have to hold the faith. I also have to stop and remember how amazing it is that we have such a great house to call a home. We are damn spoiled.... I mean, look at what we spent our disposable income on at the grocery?!?! Life is great,

Wordful Wednesday....

I know, most are wordless, but for those of you that know me I am anything but that.

Please join me on Liveauctions.tv to watch some of the most amazing youth in the country show their cattle. If you aren't familiar with livestock shows, let's just say the Hereford and Angus junior nationals are the Super Bowls of their breeds. (Hereford= red body, white face, light of my life and Angus= fully black, earns my daddy a paycheck) I was able to stay out of jail, not get preggers in high school and complete two years of college without picking up a student loan bill all because of my cattle showing days. And, these kids learn work ethic (most of them won't sleep past 5 a.m. for the next three days), sportsmanship (you have to know it takes a team when you are dealing with over hundreds of families from 36 or so states) and responsibility (caring for their livestock is a 365 day a year job, which requires compassion, dedication and money.) They also know that treating their animals with respect is number one. They are stewards of animal protection and handling. They don't mistreat them and they don't mistreat humans.

I have a new part-time venture in place. Check out Ranch House Designs for all your logo, ad and website needs! They are cutting edge and not just for livestock. They get it, they get life! If you need a revamp of your logo or a website, give me a shout and I will hook you up. You won't be disappointed in their skill and their turn around.

Selling a home is hard work. My house simply looks like no one lives it in. We hosted an open house last weekend, but not a soul showed up. Might be b/c there wasn't much promotion. I feel like we should not leave any stone unturned in order to know if we just don't have a piece of property anyone wants. I don't want to feel like we didn't use every avenue. Our realtor, which Chisolm picked and I disagree with most of the time, doesn't really get up and go. If I am able to take this project over, I want to interview realtors. Is that proper protocal? Anyone have suggestions on how to mesh with a lazy realtor that is simply an MLS listing type person? Anyone need a house? Check out mine!

Pray for rain! That is all I have for now. Mindless dribble from KC>

Frugal Friday.

I am a tight wade, of sorts. Don't get me wrong- I did eat dinner out last night and not even look at the prices. But, in other parts of my life, I am a tight wad. So sue me. Therefore, that is the hint behind the title Frugal Friday. I don't have many money saving tips, but I am going to let you in on a few. I am not an extreme couponer, or anything like that. I mean, come on, I use coupons so I can buy inTouch and Life & Style magazines with little to no guilt. I considered it a nice trade out:)


So, this is about my Best Buy Reward Zone card. If you buy stuff from there, become a member. You get free money. I had $25 waiting to be spent. I know, I know- they do that just to suck you in, but this time I didn't spend a dime. Last time I had one, I printed it off and lost it. Free money out the door. This time, I printed it off and lost it, but the allow you to reprint it. The coupon can only be used once, so no cheating. I kinda, sorta, accidentally on purpose tried to cheat one. Don't judge... you would try the same thing:)

After reading and researching, I found out that you can use it for iTunes gift cards. If you are like me, you randomly download a song on your iPhone and think nothing of it. Well, that money goes on my credit card and I pay for it. Voila- free music. I now am the proud owner of $25 to spend on money. I put the card number in my iPhone and now I can use it until it runs out.

Who knew it would be so hard to spend a simple $25 iTunes gift card? Being free money, I should be able to spend it in one attempt- Right?! Wrong. I am drawing a blank. I have gotten a couple songs, but nothing is hitting me. I just can't think. That is like being taken on a shopping spree and buying a fountain pop!!!!!

So, help me out my legion of followers!!! And, I will try to keep up a frugal Friday tip, since my life is about to get a little more insane and strapped for cash:)

Spray tan machine-2, KC-0

Yep. I happened again. I got attacked by the spray tanning apparatus again. That is my story and I am sticking to it. Mind you, I am very out of practice, which is proven by my pale and pasty skin. I have a good reason, so don't think I have just channeling a ghost for fun.

(DISCLAIMER: This blog post is being typed between assignments at the office. Therefore, I haven't used the the same tense throughout. I am a communications graduate, but this doesn't count- right? Thanks!)

This episode caught me more by surprise than the first battle we locked horns in. Another defense strategy for KC- this was a fluke. No one could have predicted this would occur. They aren't supposed to operate in rogue mode.

I was taking my sweet time Friday afternoon, all afternoon. I had dinner plans and errands, but was in zero hurry. So, I waited in line for the teens to sun their buns, spray their rumps and otherwise just act a fool. I texted my sister-in-law, we finalized dinner plans and I opted to be the one to get call ahead and get their first. I am never first, BTW.

Once I was all set, I sauntered into the room not be outdone by some poor high school girls with zero boobs and no future of keeping their waif like stature once college rolls around. After getting partially undressed, my phone buzzed and I formulate the response text. Over my shoulder, while typing, I hear the lady from the machine talking. It had to be coming from the other room, right? NOPE. Not this time.

There I stand, no cap on, bra still attached to my body, zero barium cream stuff to protect my nails from looking like they are getting attached by a fungus. The machine is almost ready for take off without it's paying passenger! Not on my watch! I fling myself toward the machine while sling shotting my bra toward the wall. I slide across the floor, get in position and have two seconds to spare for oxygen. First pass completed.

Whoops. I realize the whole no cap thing and fear my hair will start falling out in clumps or something. I jump out, grab a cap and slap it on my head, only to figure out it isn't the head one, but the feet one. I am a conehead and all, but it didn't do me justice. My pony tail hung out the back and my bangs were plastered to my forehead. Second pass coming whether I like it or not. I am back in, lungs full of air, ready for the second pass. I won't worry that I am not in the right "position." Zip and zap- tanned front side.

That is when I look forward through my sheep dog bangs and think "Something isn't right.... OH HELL!" my bangs were plastered to my forehead, not pulled back as they are supposed to be therefore leaving a sweet faux tan line on my damn face. BREAKING NEWS- the world kept on turning:)

So, I am resigned to finish my session for fear of pulling a Ross. I get dry, get dressed and tool out of there. I go to dinner and life goes on. The only ramification if have found, so don't get your hair spray tanned: it smells like Copenhagen!

Playboy

If you check FB, you might have seen my silly status about Playboy's and Scotch. Well, I really am worried about a few things as we try to sell our house. When we looked at it, the occupants didn't have much in it. I have "decluttered" and paired it down a ton; excessive picture frames have been put in the attic, candles are in a closet, jewelry creation equipment successfully stowed. I don't feel like anyone lives there, but we are still more in your face than they were.

As I was reading a book on a lazy Sunday morning, I got a call from our realtor that someone wanted to look at the house that evening. Motivated to clean up, I put down the book and picked up the duster. I haven't cooked or done anything in the house since we listed it. I don't want to have to clean up again, makes sense. Case in point- the one time I made my bed in HS was when Kimberly Yoeman was coming to spend the night. I ended up sleeping on the floor so I wouldn't have to remake the bed before school. Serious. I can live on PB&J until the house sells, deal with it.

In the midst of cleaning, I wondered how deep those people look. I know we checked out the cabinet space and the realtor showed us the great pots and pans cabinet. (they slide in and out in case you are in the market for a house;) I was just hustling and bustling around until I got the mail. It was Playboy time! I got a new Playboy! Before you start judging, let me tell you that I have had a subscription to Playboy for years. It is the only magazine I continue to subscribe to. I used to get Maxim and Bender, too, but can live without them. I actually read and look at all the stuff in a Playboy. I am not a prude nor do I believe that my man will only look at me and my body without checking out another chick. Heck, I check out other men! SO, it would be a total double standard. Therefore, once a month our mailperson drops off the plastic wrapped package and I tote the mail in.

Well, now that our house is on the market I wonder if light weight porn and booze will turn potential buyers off. I am going to admit that we have the magazines in the guest bathroom and master bathroom. We like to make sure out guests at the Kinder Bed without Breakfast feel at home:) BUAAHAHA. We also had a collection of "Chisolm Chosen Classics" in the office closet, but I did stow them away in my declutter. Didn't want them blinding the people. This weekend, we even had one in the kitchen junk drawer.

Our booze collection isn't huge, but it sure is pretty. Do some people not like booze at all? How can that be? Not that they have to indulge in it, but tolerate it I guess. Just like women who think their man will never look at another naked body, blah, blah. Blow it out your ass. Let them look. Hell, take a look to motivate you. I want to pose in Playboy. Would love to be asked. Would love to get motivated to workout enough to show my natural breasts to the world. I think my husband would be okay with that. My father, not so much. Well, and Colty might get a little upset:) heehee.

As I drove off, I second guessed my life choices in a way. Will these people just not like our house, which is hard to stomach, or will they stumble upon our sins and not like us? What do you think the case is?

What a week so far

Can this one be in the books yet?! Blah.

So, I just got back from a last minute trip home. I forget how pretty Indiana is in the spring. The lush grass you can actually walk barefoot in is something not lost on this Oklahoma transplant. My yard currently feels like you are walking on broken glass. Not cool at all.

My trip consisted of visiting my paternal grandfather in the hospital. For me, a slight germiphob, this was a huge step. I don't handle stress well nor do I like places where people are ill. So, for the most part, I used my elbows to push any buttons, utilized insanely unsafe amounts of hand sanitizer and never touched doors or chairs. I even Clorox wiped my cell phone:)

From the second I stepped into Grandpa's room, I was taken aback. Here was this fixture in my life laying there. He was totally sound of mind, but his damn body was betraying him by going downhill and fast. I wasn't prepared, no matter who I talked to. His lack of voice stung me, his struggle to make words b/c of his coughing problem caused by a long battle with pneumonia. Don't get me started on the quack doctors in Crawford-tucky, Indiana. His mere mention to my dad along the lines of "what else can go wrong" had tears in my eyes. I did okay the rest of the time. We all sat around, chatted, tried to let him sleep and low and behold he would pipe up to answer a question none of us had the answer to. Amazing. Once he felt up to watching television, he let me get a few questions right on Jeopardy!

This was the first year I spent Mother's Day at home. I can't say with my mom b/c she had to work and we went to Indy, but I was home. I gave mom a flat of impatients, which she has to plant, b/c she is the queen of red impatients. She can get them to grow in nearly nothing. I, on the other hand, can't grow them in pots. Trying again this summer, but won't hold my breathe. She made her famous spaghetti and some brownies. Life's grand for Terri, isn't it.... cook and bake on your holiday! She is such a great sport, however, and we bloated ourselves. No canned spaghetti sauce in the Keffer house. No thank you!!

I also got to see April, my bff. Her BP is high and now she is on meds. I gave her the mother lecture about fruits and veggies. There isn't a single 31-year-old that needs to be on BP meds. If you are, get off your ass, pick up some fresh food and deal with it. Fix yourself b/c I don't want to lose you, okay?

Our house is on the market and we got one look so far. One in a week isn't bad. I have to keep my spirits up b/c they weren't interested in the end. Going to be hard to hear people say they don't like your house! Good thing we aren't on some sort of TV show where we hear the feedback straight from the horses mouth. I hope I don't get my hopes up b/c I am the type of person to jump from one thing to the next and start dreaming big while still stuck in the mud of the present. As if you couldn't tell that by this rambling blog you read from time to time.

So, the rest of the week looks dismal too. Minus the great rain Oklahoma recieved, I think I will just chalk it up to the Gods of all things blah and deal with it like a big girl. I will continue to call for reports on grandpa, I will make the bed and pick up after myself in hopes that someone will look at the house and see it like I do, and I will tuck myself in bed as soon as the garage door is down.

Have a great evening y'all. I am tapping out for the day!

My office

Let me preface this blog by saying: I love my job. I honestly do. This office, these people, this job saved me from jumping off the building that housed the basement that contained the Oklahoma Wheat Commission. It was a morgue: it was completely silent, with slight humming of random electronics, no light filtered in as the douchetards in leadership gave up an office with windows to cause everyone to trudge down stairs to the basement. And it smelled of human excrement. More or less the sewer would back up and stink up the kitchen in which we created cinnamon rolls and whole wheat bread. Sanitary and sweet smelling!

So here I set in the window of 440 W. Main in Yukon, sometimes forgetting that I am in a store front and folks can see me. I am slowly learning to stop picking my nose and I don't eat every meal at my keyboard. Don't want the bar rats across the street to be able to judge me as I do them.... and somewhat envy, but that is a whole other can of worms.

However, here in Yukon, here in this office, I am a good 25 years younger than the two residents that I occupy this space with on a daily basis. They do a great job figuring out the Internet, e-mail and other technology like creations. However, since I can start up a computer without scratching my head, I am now in charge of the IT department. That, my friends and followers, isn't cool. I crash my iPhone rather handily and the guts of a computer baffle and bewilder me.

For instance, they believe in me enough to figure out why an e-mail won't go through. Never mind the response they received stating that the users e-mail is full. Nothing I can do folks. Pick up the phone and inform the gentleman. It isn't our doing.... sheesh.

Or right this second...... A fax price list has somehow been misplaced, either by the patriarch of the company or someone else. Not me. My paws weren't on it. After I give them the lowdown on what Priefert is, we scour the office as a team, me the only one without a mullet or grey hair, BTW. It is not here, vanished, adios. My suggestion is ask the boss with whom he spoke to to get said price list. Play it off like we are looking for that specific name on the document, then call that person, request a resend. Nope. We are going to print a list, get their fax number and send an "SOS, please call us." fax to them. Speak up if you think this will work... (Insert crickets chirping here)

Another instance is when they ask me... the Hoosier... if there are such and such towns in Oklahoma. Just now I heard "KC, is there a Union and Union City, Oklahoma?" To which I have to inform them I will Google it in an instant. Do I look like Rand McNally folks? In my seven years down here, I have done a bit of traveling, but I haven't made it my quest to memorize the towns in this state. For crying out loud, there is a Pink, Oklahoma! PS- they get hit by naders all the time, don't move there. The Google thing is beyond them. Now don't get me wrong, I can still use a map. It is more to the fact of finding the damn thing in this overstuffed office. Purging isn't in their nature. We should be on the show Hoarders: Office version. Fo Sho!

I could go on, but that is all I can deal with right now. My blood pressure is rising, from my corpse like state to a higher version.

PS- my grandpa is in the hospital and I feel useless. If only I didn't have some Podunk Limmy sale to work this weekend I would trek home. Damn Limmy's! Anyone with the skills to run a live auction want to cover for me? It would be a rewarding experience. Well, no takers. I will shut my trap and do it. Earning a dollar should make him proud.

Thanks for reading. I am a bore these days. Entertain me back, folks.

Miscellany Monday

1) The President came on my television last night. The shear sight of him pisses me off and his teleprompter reading ass gives me the willy's. But, he was on to report about Bin Laden, whom I slipped and called Obama, not Osama. HEEHEE. My only thought on this was- I just need the recap, I don't need the Pres telling me what our armed forces did and taking credit for it. End of that. God Bless America and thank you for the depths of my heart Troops and everyone who risks it all so I can be a slob at a desk!

2) My heater is on. Welcome to May in Oklahoma. We are to get a frost tonight. Lovely. Just planted my flowers this weekend... wonder if they will live. I am having a hard time with flowers this go round. Hope my green thumb isn't turning yellow.

3) Saturday was spent de-cluttering my home so we can "stage" it for pictures as my hubby has decided to put it on the market. So, if you know of anyone in the market for a cute starter home North of Edmond, Okla. we are your hook-up. 1400+/- ft', two car garage on an acre. Call me!

4) I am very proud of my friends, btw. A couple are taking new jobs, moving and conquering the world. A couple are sticking it out in the cold great North and dealing just fine. And, a couple are raising some great kiddos while working to support their family. I love them. I have great taste in people:)

5) What is the limit of re-uses on 44-ounce Sonic cups? I have been using this one for almost a week. I put ice in it since we have only lukewarm water here. Is this safe? Someone chime in.

Thanks for reading and helping me sell my house:)
Peace out!
KCK

Hump day musings

Hump day makes me giggle. Makes me think of Brahman cattle that I always called humpies. Makes me sort of giggle like a kid thinking about the horizontal mamba. Now that you have joined me in the gutter, lets start this nonsensical piece of fodder.

As I just ranted to my pal Kate Miller my credit card bill was $10.41. The charges were for iTunes downloads and iTunes only. I should never have came across to the dark side, gotten sucked into an iPhone or figured out how amazingly simple it is to purchase songs like "Red, Red, Wine" "the Thong Song" and "Toot it and Boot it." Grab your phone and purchase them all now!
(click the link and be prepared to bust a gut at her manipulation of the English language!)

My daddy dog cracks me up. He called to chat with me about lunch, the amount of mud they have, how his cattle aren't broke yet and the show is in a month and also about how high the lottery is up to. That, my friends, was my second "If I had a Million dollars....." convo of the day, too. I am intellectually stimulating to all groups I encounter, aren't I? But then again, dad said I should wish in one hand and shit in the other to see which gets full faster! Always one to put things back in perspective.

My limp locks got a trim last week, making them silky smooth and a magnet for my twirling addiction. I am going to need carpel tunnel surgery and an intervention someday. It is childish, annoying and ooooooohhhhhh so soooooothing.

If the Royal wedding doesn't hurry up and get the hell off our airwaves, I might be forced to send them a letter detailing how much marriage really isn't the end all cure all to everything, that they don't stand a snowballs chance in hell of being King and Queen and fairytales are for losers. My advanced apologies if your TiVo is all ready set to record it and you are rushing to the door every half hour to see if Fedex has delivered your mail order "official" program of events, but get a life. Take a long look at yourself and put that money and energy into making something better on our soil. Help others with your free time, pretty please? And I digress.

My life is boring, my days are long and I have a ton of crap to get done at work. I believe I am an official grown up because that is okay with me. I am glad I found something that didn't make me feel like a zombie who had been ran through a wood chipper everyday (as in an employee of the Oklahoma Wheat Commission!) Now, if only the weather would straighten up and I could make me patio not look so damn naked, my days would be perfect.

Brother Colty is in Reno. I hope he doesn't lose his ass, knock up a hooker or get a disease. Simply because that would make Keffer holiday's akward. Not because it would prove I am the best and the favorite. I mean, I know I am but it is so hard to break it to him! heehee.

My work day is finally over. I am going to let y'all read this and head home. Thanks for checking in on me. Hope you aren't too emotionally stunted from my incoherant utterings!

What am I thinking?

So you might ask yourself "what is KC thinking?" at any given point in your day. It is okay. I know the love and adoration is catching, isn't it:) Here are a few thoughts that just cruised through my head in the past, oh say 20 minutes, and my responses. You won't find me ashamed to say that I respond to my own inner monologue ramblings. "My hair is so soft." It is, I can't help it. I also can't help that I twirl it constantly. Hence why I decided to ramble on this blog so I would stop for a moment. "Squirrels are rats." I had to alter my route to and from Sonic to avoid these little critters. The first one I encountered wouldn't back down. I jumped, he fled and scurried right up the tree I had to walk under. Well, I believe in the Animal Conspiracy Theory and I wasn't risking having a rabies having squirrel doom me for life, so I ambled across the street while staring at the little vermin. "That bar better be killer after they get done!" The bar my office is attached to (be jealous, be very jealous!) is remodeling. If it isn't tits when they are done, I am going to let them have it. They have been demoing since before I got here. The sound of pounding and the constant clattering of metal being tossed out the front is more than my nerves can handle. (How apropos... Ragweed comes on just as I am chastising Grady on the Internet for making a commotion. Apology accepted!) "Did I put on deodorant this morning?" Doesn't need an explanation, does it? I am going to say we could fill the grand canon with people that on any given day wonder the same thing. Raise your hand if you have? Well, on second thought keep the hands down. "Do I have to cook tonight?" Chisolm was loading the dishwasher as I left this morning and he asked me where the dishes keep coming from. I am taking that as a hint to not bother dirtying any more:) Either that or he is going to start taking over cooking and I have to do dishes. Oh shit. Not good. "I need to get my feet trimmed and bush hog my eyebrows." I guess personal hygiene isn't my thing, huh? Yikes! Before I take up any more valuable time or space, I will bow out and go back to twirling my soft locks!

Thankful Thursday

Just a few quick ones!

1) The wave I got from an old farmer on my drive home. That is why I take the country route not the stop and go route.

2) Independence from my hubby... I didn't really phrase that right, but I am a sale "widow" from now until Sunday. I am so thankful for the relationship Chisolm and I have, which makes us completely okay with being apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, don't you know:)

3) My sushi date with KMofMCS. Love a dinner date to gossip and catch up. Don't judge! LOL

4) Cell phones that dial through when I think my family is in harms way during bad weather. Mom and dad were safe and sound. No more Weather Channel for KCK.

5) We have a freezer full of beef that we bought from a guy in Western Oklahoma. It is healthy, tasty and abundant. I am thankful I can go to the freezer, grab hamburger or steak and make a great dinner for Chisolm and I . If you are in the market for freezer beef, let me know. I can get you hooked up with him!

Volunteering Weekend

Last weekend was a mirror image of every OYE steer weekend for the past seven years. I was a part of the Yukon FFA chapter, their 35 or so steers and their showmen/women. Well, boys and girls is more accurate, but that is a whole other can of worms and I am not yet a parent.... thank the Great Lord above!! (Sorry, one weekend with teens can spoil a person and make their uterus shrivel up)

Each year, the joke is "the check is in the mail." It never has been nor will it ever be and I am okay with that. I love waking up, being approximately 1/2 hour late as usual and jumping in doing tails. Okay..... for my non-cattle friends- doing tails is the act of using super high powered hairspray to create a Snooky-esk ball on the end of a cow's (or steer in this case) tail (called the switch) We have been doing this task to cattle since Snooky was merely a gleam, or glare, in her daddy's eye. Wonder if she knows that dude? I digress.

Years ago, during my volunteer weekend, I was closer with the kids and knew more of them on a better level. I ran a tight ship! They cleaned and kept themselves together and did other tasks besides picking their noses, napping and looking like hookers. But, I now only see these little tykes one weekend a year. Depressing, I know, but still gives me a gleam of hope that kids can be good.

Now, don't think my job of doing tails is the glue that holds the ship together. I simply make the finished product more tied together and make the kids laugh. This year was no exception to the rule on having a great time. I wanted to share a few things with you that will bring a smile to your face.

1- As boy kept asking the men why I was making a gluey mess of his steers tail. They tried to use somewhat technical jargon, such as "it makes him look more balanced" and "It helps him look thicker quartered." That boy didn't give two hoots about how it made his steer look, since FFA was just a way out of the classroom on sunny days. So, I looked at him and said "You don't go to prom in a tux and tennis shoes, do you?" Home run. He got it. I was just tying up loose ends for him.

2- Sweetest little adorable 11-year-old girl wins her breed. She comes back to show her second steer and looks at me. "That tail looks beautiful!!!" Made my day. I was just there up until that point and then she stole my heart. Wanted to keep her forever!! It wasn't beautiful, it was just a teased, glued ball of hair.

3- Same girl, getting ready for the grand drive: "Are you waiting for me to show?" I replied that I was. "Are you going to do Max's tail again?" Yes I was. "Well," she said. "You better make sure it is done better this time. Time to step up our game!" LOL. She meant no harm. She was so full of laughs.

4- The grand champion steer winner made the crowd go nuts. They were happy. We don't hear that very often, but I was so moved b/c there is so much meanness in the showring anymore.

Not such a moving post, but just to let you know it is easy to make a difference in a kids life. I search for things to do to make my life feel full and worthwhile, but this one weekend every year fills me up for a while. Wears me out, too! LOL. I am always looking for suggestions on how to help people, but for now I am going to just smile about my weekend.

What do you do to help others?

Bucket List Update.

About 365 days have passed since I opted to publish a bucket list. After looking back at it, I believe I should write it down and carry it around, as I haven't gotten been that hard at crossing them off. Granted, it was a bucket list and I don't plan to kick it any time soon. That let's me off the hook for a bit, in mine own mind. For instant gratification, I am going to do another 3 in 30 type deal. I failed for the most part on my last one, ie abandoned my food diary once I realized it only made me focus on food. Not what my stretched to the max high end denim wanted to hear. All they want to hear is "I am going to find you a new home so my bulging, desk chair shaped hind end doesn't put any more stress on you."



Focus, Keffer. Back to the whole point of this. Bucket list. I am proud to say I did get a few things checked off. And, mind you I am only giving myself 1/2 point on each of these accomplishments. I don't consider myself done on any of these. I slack in most aspects of goal keeping, but I am realistic and want to fully finish each of these items.



HAVE A GARDEN THAT PRODUCES..... CHECK! Full point. I ate myself stupid last summer. We had tons of okra, jalapenos, cucumbers and cherry tomatoes. Onions worked pretty well, too. Had a few other peppers come up, but the green beans weren't as bountiful.

Here it is while it was young and green!

This task, if taken on again this summer, will be amended to gardening in large containers. I was a tick frustrated each night I battled the weeds and grass that over took the garden while I was plugging away at my desk each day. I will garden in water tanks this summer. I will only have peppers, squash and maybe okra. OH and spinach!!! Will keep you posted.

START A HEREFORD HERD...... 1/2 point.

This past December, Chisolm and I (more him than me) sold two heifers in the state Hereford sale. One went to a junior, who I hope is going to show her at the Oklahoma Youth Expo. We also have another heifer for sale private treaty and more embryo babies are hitting the ground, AKA being born, right now. Calf count... 5 babies and counting!!!

This is our heifer, for sale via private treaty, or she will become a foundation female for us. (To you none cattle readers.... think OctoMom)

PARTICIPATE IN RELAY FOR LIFE..... 1/2 point.

The past three years, a sale and this in OKC have over lapped, sending me to eastern Texas instead of walking. But, I am giving myself 1/2 point for donating money to the Susan Komen Relay For Life in memory of my grandmother!

START A SCHOLARSHIP AT BHE OR OSU..... 1/2 point.

This summer, we lost one of the funniest guys ever in Nathan Martin. He was only 31, was beating cancer and died while removing some hard, non-cancerous tissue. He was my "big brother" at BlackHawk and he almost made me like livestock judging. Almost is the key word. He loved Korn, had an infectious laugh and got taken away from us too soon. I am thankful for having the time to drink a few beers with him in Denver only mere months before he passes. Odd now, but I never would have imagined that was the last time I would see him. Maybe I would have not let him buy all the rounds:)

BHE started a scholarship program in memory of Nathan. I donated money, not millions or thousands, but still money in support of youth who opt to go to a junior college to learn about ag and livestock. I know Nathan would have laughed at me fretting over how much to give!

ADDING TWO TO MY LIST.... I want to see Kid Rock and DMB in concert. Thinking of my new 3 for 30 list. Stay tuned!

Photo Challenge

I found this on one of the blogs I follow, Oil Wells 2 Cotton Bales, and wanted to jump on the bandwagon today. We are encompassed by a nice layer of clouds and the hunt for pictures will occupy my scatter brain for a few minutes. Then it is back to the to-do list..... oh how I loathe thee today. So, go ahead and do this with me.
1) Someplace you want to visit......
I want to go to France, hit up a cheese shop (I hope my aunt Irol reads this) and see the site at night.

2) Something you wish you could forget.....

My grandmother lost a battle with breast cancer. Just wish I could forget that it looms in my gene pool.

3) Something you wish you were better at......
I hate water, I can't swim.

4) Favorite book....... Going back to my grandma, when I tried to google a favorite book, this is the only one that popped into my head. If you have a child that needs a little help dealing with something like the death of a loved one, you really should let them read this. I have other books I love, but none that moved me like this one.

5) Something you wish you could change.....

My stick straight hair. I think I could rock this style:)

It's your turn. Thanks for checking me out.

Tears to my eyes

As I set here, I am still shook up from the moving article I just read.

I don't normally check out the Brahman Review, but a great friend wrote this piece. Let me start out by letting you know what an amazing writer, photographer and person she is. Christy Couch Lee owns her own company, CeeLee Communications, but she has been involved in so many publications in the past. I must say I was lucky enough to work under her during my internship at the National Swine Registry. With her at the helm, I learned more than I ever imagined a summer internship would teach me. I felt a little guilty taking money for working from her because one normally pays for an education!

The news these days preys on the "if it bleeds, it leads" newsmakers. I dare you to pick up a publication, browse an online news service or listen to the radio and not hear Charlie Sheen's meltdown not be mentioned. The trainwreck that is his life is fasinating to our society. Don't get me wrong, I am rubber necking at the wreckage as much as you are. But, that doesn't mean I like it.

Agriculture gets hit with so many bad raps and fights against so many groups, while trying so hard to produce a healthy, wholesome, safe product to feed our country. There are groups fighting to end the modern production of livestock and filling the heads of unsuspecting people with lies about farmers. They get more publicity than they should, in my opinion.

But, I want you to read the article that brought tears to my eyes and share the moving story. Why can't we have a portion of the spotlight with all the negativity? The young lady featured by Christy has a long struggle ahead of her.

Thank you Christy for this amazing piece, the Gift of Brahman!

Monday oh how I don't enjoy you

I thought I had an addictive enough personality to do a "My Obsession Monday" blog. Not so much. Or maybe it is that I don't ever change my routine? I should look into that b/c I could be followed, profiled, and plucked off by a strange man with greasy hair. Hey, he might think I am his type due to my constant inability to wake in time to recycle the styling products placed in my hair the day before.

So, my effort to change your attitudes and get lots of sponsors was thwarted by my inability to be creative. I don't want to rant about my day thus far, because a majority of you guys have all ready gotten the e-mail version! LOL.

My weekend was lame, but not a complete let down. I was able to work a benefit auction for the Safari Club. Don't accidentally refer to it as the Sierra Club, their arch nemeses and one of our many in the agricultural industry. I did find out that, one a whole, they are jackasses. Plain and simple think their poo smells like roses. Case in point- I was the bid card hander outer. They were laid out in ABC order and I dominated my ABC's pre-kindergarten. Therefore, not a daunting task. Ms. Smith came to me, informed me of her last name (that was her real name, BTW) and then as I searched my 500 badges for hers she decides to help me with the alphabet. She says "ABC, S comes after R." It took all the control I could muster to not inform her in no uncertain terms that I could read, recite my alphabet and twirl my hair at the same time. It also took me two deep breaths to not inform Ms. Smith that she looked like her product... she was a freakin' taxidermist. She looked like she had been stuff and mounted more times than Bambi's mom. Her jack it to Jesus hair had me stumbling backwards for fear I would cough on her b/c I am sure inhaling that much Aqua net cannot be good for one's respiratory system.

I also noted that their function might be the only one where the statement "nice rack" actually had nothing to do with my cleavage. That saddened me. These people came in dragging racks of dead animals behind them. Toss them a loin cloth and we had a real live nomadic tribe wondering around.

The amount of camo was directly proportional to the amount of alcohol they consumed, too. Mind you, some of it was as tasteful as I can imagine it being. Some of it was over the top. Did you know that if your husband is an orthopedic surgeon and hunts that gives you a red light to wear camo leggings in public? I didn't either. News to me. This even was described to me as a high end, black tie event. I think that got lost in translation to the local who crawled out of a tree or hole to come to town and get free booze. Good thing moonshine wasn't on the menu, or I would still be there.

Also found out they are not the laughing type. I made a few jokes, or remarks as some might call them, and got nothing. I was again mustered my patience and didn't inform them that they weren't the first doctor/lawyer that I had ever met and they weren't going to be the last. Alas, I shut up, got my pay check and skedaddled.

Sunday found KC at the grocery. I need to plan better, buy a calendar or something. There was a huge sale, a sale so big it required a four-story tall inflatable purple gorilla to announce it. I had a hankering for Orange Roughy, a wonderful fish that I hope to make as well as my mommy can, but the hankering was put to bed once I saw the line. The meat counter was insane. Insane like paparazzi swarming Kim K crazy. No one had sense, they just scooped up what they could, pushed and yelled. Honest. One lady got served before another couple. That couple mad damn good and well sure that everyone in the vicinity knew they had been waiting and she cut. I assimilate them to the loud kid in first grade who tattles on everyone and alienates themselves because they eat their own buggers. That annoying. There was a scuffle. I left. The only time I find it appropriate to fight over meat is when you are single, horny and drunk at last call.

Peace out. I should figure out how to clean my copy machine. Big day at the office:)

Birthday week

Those two words used to make me wiggle in excitement. At my age, not so much anymore. This will be my last age changing birthday. I was going to stay 30 forever, but that is so cliche. I can handle 31, since it is the same. Nothing much changed in the past year, so I am cool with being an odd number, only fitting.

Birthday week has been a mundane one so far. Now, I know I am tempting the birthday Gods to throw down some mayhem, but that isn't the game I play. Up until this hump day, I have had some random encounters with things.

Monday brought me a broken turn signal. As I sat at a 4-way stop being a law abiding, turn signal using American, I used my turn to go right. After a few seconds the humming of my signal was still in my ear, but the light was pointing left. No way. I am an airhead, but there was no way I put my signal on left to go right. I was 100 percent sure I indeed used the correct signal when I came to my next stop. Left turn, left signal, left turn completed with the signal not stopping. What the hell? And here I would like to say that I muttered that to myself, but we all know I can chat with myself from time to time.

Come to find out, I broke my turn signal. Now I can't push it down, I have to use the cautionary three blink option Larz came equipped with. I checked to see if it might be a fuse but no such luck. Now, I have to travel to a Dodge dealership and explain the whole sordid affair to those men and make sure they don't rape my checking account. "No sir, I don't need my transmission flushed, I need a turn signal." Take it as you will.

I almost ran out of gas last night after I spent a few hours assisting my editor husband, from now on referred to as Captain Cowman, on the next edition of his magazine the Oklahoma Cowman. I am pretty sure my anal retentive editing skills were lost on him in the eleventh hour of publishing this edition, but I was there to support him and not doing all the errands I was going to accomplish after I clocked out. This was only the second or third time he asked me to help, which might have been the last invitation, and I jumped at the chance to work with him. After all, I am the one that has a communications degree and he is the one with the title, Editor:)

After I left him, I was jamming out... JAMMING OUT..... to some 90's on 9. We live about 10 miles from a gas station and I was a good 4 miles north of it when I saw something. As I head banged a bit, I saw the yellow light of my gas tank. I don't normally go that low, so it was an eery sight. How long had it been on? No one will ever know. Now, my car looks something like an Edmond police officer, so I took the liberty of doing a nice u-turn and hustled back to the station. I literally chugged into the station, only to find the astonishing price of gas! $3.19?!?!? Are you____________. (insert my favorite curse words) Get your shit together Libya! Grab your ears and pull your head out of your asses! Those might have been the thoughts that went through my head, closely followed by thoughts of purchasing a horse and buggy. Oh well. I made it home and to work. Joy.

My diet coke can just blew up on me. I knew it was frozen, but like a Pavlovian dog I opened it. Bills are due, my checking account hates me and I broke a $1200 thingy yesterday. Score one for me. Hell.

So, if you are having a "week" feel free to join me in giving it the bird. We are halfway to the weekend, which you can still get my birthday presents in the mail!!

Cheers!

A Horrible Smell

This is going to be short and sweet, but it will explain how odd I am.

I got home from happy hour last night and my nose was instantly accosted with a foul, foul smell. Circle K was just reading in the recliner, immune to the pungent aroma coming from somewhere.

In a matter of seconds, I tell him about the smell and walk around my home sniffing around like a bloodhound. I instantly jump to conclusions and decide there is a hole in my roof that let snow into the attic and it is now destroying the roof. Or, our dishwasher took a shit and it leaked into the walls, which would have to be replaced once I bought a new dishwasher. Or, it had to be a dead garbage disposal that was going to require a plumber.

The smell wasn't conquered last night and it hit me like a Mac truck when I cruised around the house this morning. Resigned to parting with money to fix our problem and too scared to look under the couch for fear of finding a dead animal, I set out to make coffee and then it hit me. Literally the smacked me upside the head and told me to simply take out the trash!!!!

(Please don't think that our home is horrible. I doubt a rat entered our home and croaked under the couch, but I was being irrational.)

TGIF. KCK

Monday Obsession: Cooking style

I was reading somewhere the other day that the woman of the house used to spend 20-30 hours a week preparing and cooking for her family. You can do what I just did: stop, take a deep breathe and thank everyone who has ever invented a faster way to prepare food! That got me thinking about my own kitchen prowess. I am pretty okay decent and I can damn sure follow a recipe!!

Along those lines of thinking, I decided to find a few recipes I want to try out. Ones that don't take a mere few minutes to create. We have a whole deep freeze full of beef from a friend of ours (let me tell you quickly about the amazing filet's the other night- simply a slight cute into them and then you could finish with your fork!! Like butter!!!)

So, I thawed out a ginormous chuck roast to use in a pot roast. People- do not fear the chuck roast. They are so simply!! Purchase a crock pot and go to town with them!!!! Anywho- after I thawed this giant hunk of meat in the fridge for a couple of days, I made a grocery store run and decided to dive into the creation of a rather large Sunday evening dinner, al la like my Grandma does!!

I settled upon the Pioneer Woman's Beef Stew with Beer and Paprika. Let me tell you the time is well worth the wait. It took about two hours from browning of the meat to shutting the burner off to cool. It calls for two pounds of meat- I haven't a clue if I used that much or more!!!

KCK's additions to the recipe include: Add two bay leaves when you start the initial simmering and leave them for the duration.
I used half a container of baby portabella mushrooms and added them when the carrots and potatoes went in! AmAzInG!! Let me tell you!

To accompany it I made homemade cole slaw and then made a loaf of French bread, with a twist!I rolled the dough in a mixture of basil, rosemary and garlic powder before popping it in the oven. Chingy said it was the bomb, I almost broke my arm patting myself on the back!!

COLE SLAW: (again I don't' measure)
1/2 bag Walmart brand shredded cabbage, carrots cole slaw mix
Mix mayo, red wine vinegar, sugar, celery seed, salt and pepper to taste and right amount to coat. Toss to mix! Simple and yummy.

Left over cabbage mix will become part of a beerox recipe later this week!! And the rest of the mushrooms will get sauteed for our Valentines day Filet's!!

My stomach is growling! I better get to work. Become obsessed with meat and eat all the beef you can y'all!!!

My Obsession Mondays

People do all sorts of fun days of the week blog crap. I am falling in line. I declare Monday's to be "My Obsession Mondays." I want you to want to be like me.... and I want you to have everything I have. Therefore, you need to know what I have:) Joking. Just wanted to share.



I am not trendy, nor am I a curvebender. I just like to overshare. I want you to get a kick out of the crap in my life.



Today isn't going to get things started off with a huge bang, so I hope to amp it up later. After Ft. Worth I got some sort of crud:( Cry for me, you know you want to. Well, that crud came with all the typical cold, blah feelings and the one I hate the most. DRY nasal passages and dry throat. You know that feeling. Like sandpaper in your nose when you draw a deep breathe.



Drumroll please... Ayr Saline Nasal Gel. My brother told me about this stuff around NWSS time and I finally found some at Walgreens. It was a savior this weekend as the air got more dry. It helped me a ton and is currently setting on my desk. I feel like I used a ton but haven't even put a dent in the tube. Great value.

If you are sick, get some. Honestly will keep you somewhat sane.

Hope everyone gets healthy again. Heard of too many people being sick. Let's kick it!

My style..... or lack there of.....

For about six months now, an unfinished e-mail has been staring at me from my "draft" box. I have never finished it, but read it from time to time. It makes me laugh, but what dumb ideas that I concoct don't make me laugh?

That e-mail is to the group at "What Not to Wear." It is titled "Tossing myself under the bus." I want them to fix me. My style sucks. I just normally look as haphazard as my car, which is a general reflection of the state of my middle office desk drawer. That all is a generalization for my life.... half assed and sloppy.

I believe that all solid colors go together. I make jewelry only to sell it. I don't have to wear my heals anymore and am forced to literally dust them off when I attempt to wear them out. My North Face is a symbol of my winter life, as I wear it all day every day in my arctic office. The only time I really care about putting outfits together is when I go to a cattle show and nine times out of 10 I am too hungover at least once to give two hoots about what I am going to wear.
I believe in spray tanning and fake nails, but have not done either in ages. My personal appearance right now is that of Courtney Love, in my opinion. My nails/nail polish is almost off, but not quit. I looked at my eyebrows and noticed they are almost eyelashes. My flat lifeless hair was half wet when I scampered out the door. My life is a series of motions that only can be described as hitting the snooze button.

In my attempt to get them to give me the $5,000 Visa card and take me to NYC, I explain a few things like that to them, but then point out that I do have some stuff i wouldn't want them to toss out. I have to have my barn jeans and I never wear my sweats in public, so surely they could spare those right? My cowboy boots have to live on, even the ones that I have had for 13 years now. Never know when you have to go break calves. So, more or less I want them to come and put my clothes together in outfits for me. They won't do it, I won't send the e-mail and thus I will continue to resemble the wife of a panhandler with the style of a train wreck.

Anyone have any good fashion ideas? Anyone want to come help me out? I would love to shop with someone, get more staple pieces that are easy to toss on and roll. Please, please share with me.... but don't do the "here is a fashion board" BS on me b/c I am so ADD I won't even notice if there are pants.

Please and thanks.

Patio Dreaming

So, the first "Arctic blast" of the winter is upon us. I am wearing two long sleeved t-shirts, gloves and a sweater, while hovering over my space heater and covering my legs with a blanket.... WHILE IN MY OFFICE!! I am not sure if that is a grammatically correct sentence, but it fits!


This Tuesday has been a complete Groundhog Day for me, feeling 100 percent like yesterday, and it have me dreaming of patio time. That brings to mind the patio addition we plan to do this spring.


Our patio, as it is now, is cute, quaint, smallish. It does what is has to do and holds just the right amount of space for proper patio time.... or beer drinking.... call it what you wish. Well, my wish and vision is to extend it out to be flush with my (read: past owners) landscaping. Then I would like a brick wall in the southwest corner to block some wind so I can use my fire bowl without feeling like I am going to burn down the addition next to me. In that little brick wall, I want to leave it hollow to make it a planter. I am addicted to planting flowers!!!!


So, with this addition space will come more seating. I have found a few options for seating and trust me it is the only thing keeping me warm right now. And the sticker shock on some of them is making me very alert!

This little gem, coming in at $1,500, screams evenings reading while setting around with Circle K. Not sure that will happen, but it looks heavy enough to not blow away. A key element I will not be able to ignore!

I wish I was pulled together enough to make this work. It looks like everyone would have so much fun partying around it, I can almost smell the steaks on the grill now. I see hours of cocktails, gossip and laughter! Maybe if I buy it they will come?!?! Not sure our addition will warrant something this grandiose, but a gal can dream.

This might be just what we are looking for. Overstock.com has these, they come in twos and seems sturdy and comfortable. Good think I went to the "O" to know they carry this sort of stuff. It will be a tough decision and my buyers remorse will be in full swing. Lord only knows what I will end up with. Some folding chairs from Dollar General is my best bet!

PS- Do you think the amazing settings pulled me in?!?! I sure do!

Love ya followers! Enjoy Groundhog Day with me! KCK

3 in 30

I have seen some people doing these lists, like 101 in 1001. But, I know myself and I am going to start small. I am going to do 3 goals in 30 days.

GOAL #1:

Eating has become a hobby of mine. I am going to keep a food diary for the next 30 days to hold myself accountable for my health. Not to say I am in any health trouble, but I am not getting any damn younger! I hope to post from time to time so you guys can cheer me on. No wait.... it is so you guys can find a little glimpse of inspiration.

I have two full days under my belt and I have all ready tossed more fruits and veggies in my meals. It has made me notice that popcorn might not always fit into the food pyramid if you plan to have frozen pizza for dinner! Who would have thought!

GOAL #2:

Become a part of an organization by volunteering. I have a ton of free time after work and I am always tired. In the end, I go home and fall asleep. If I start to volunteer, not only will I not be able to go to bed, I think I will garner more energy and be healthier in the long run.

So, I have sent the paper work off to help with the Free to Live shelter by my house. I can walk dogs and clean and such. Or even office work when people adopt an animal. Therefore, I won't want a dog since I can mingle with them on a monthly basis. Hope they pick me! If not, I am going to make sure and donate some of my old towels and blankets along with some chew toys, like socks that lost their mate years ago!

GOAL #3:

Wave on my way to work. Every single morning for 30 days! I thought people in the south were nice, but I notice they don't wave. That is going to stop with me!!!!! They might think me nuts, but the people I see on my way to work every day are going to start waving. I am going to be that person who does the farmers wave the whole way. It is my challenge to me and you to make someones day by waving. It will, I promise you, make you happier and help them along to work!!!

Peace out cub scouts!

Diet Pill Debacle

Ya, Ya. Say it now "I told you so." Whatever. I get it! I like to randomly try diet pills. Hi, my name is KC and I am slightly addicted to the rush. Well, maybe the slight heart palpitations are the only rush and they are horrible. Anyway, I grabbed some more. As the new year was smack dab on top of me I realized I had just, only that weekend, downed beer like the apocalypse was going to hit all the breweries in the world and took it upon myself to dismantle an entire pizza. I need to get my gut right, get my metabolize pumped up and get healthy. Not in a "I want to be a size 0" kind of way. In a way that can only be explained as "I want to wave my arms and not have them wave me" kind of way.

So, wondering Target, attempting to stay warm and walk at the same time, I found myself drawn to a purple bottle. This bottle spoke to me as I stared deep into the eyes of their spokesperson, Kim K. It said "You want to be a hottie like me, beat hot men off with sticks and make millions? Then down this pill." Okay, she didn't say this but those promises came to me from the top of the box.

I exited the store with a pep in my step and $40 worth of QuickTrim in my bag. I waited until the next day to absorb the directions, which require one person to take eight horse size pills per day. It was enough to last me 14 days. Okay. No problem. With the help of the pills and my love of veggies I could get my sweet tooth under control and my jiggly butt back into some of my jeans. (Oh Citizens! How my cheeks miss you and your wonderful denim!)

I made it through day 1. Yes, I waved the white flag after one day only. Not to mention are eight pills a little more than I could handle, they made my stomach hurt so bad food wouldn't have been an option. I drank so much water, my eyeballs floated but my stomach still felt like I had eaten a bale of alfalfa hay. Then it hit me.... I bought the Burn and CLEANSE pills.

I am going to leave it at that. One day, $40 and one giant lesson learned. That bottle will not make me a Kardashian...... and also eat your veggies, but beware!!!!

Reviewing the last year

Since this is actually the start of a new decade, I will succumb to the nonsense and reminisce some more. Mind you, I will not, REPEAT WILL NOT!, go through the last 10 years. That would painful for all of us.

Let's see. To hit some random notes from last year.

I started a new job in July. Means I have been almost six months without making a cinnamon roll!!! That is quit the feat seeing as to how for the past four January's at this time I would be setting up for a trade show in Enid. A trade show that I even got a speeding ticket getting to once. Damn Kingfisher cop! Don't speed on that highway from Kingfisher to Enid, okay people?! Things have gone pretty decent. I don't like to get too pumped, so let that suffice.

There was a trial separation between a lover and I. Diet Coke wasn't a part of KC from May until November, until the sweet stuff again passed my lips. We have been hot and heavy ever since! We can keep our mouths off each other.

I got to see my family a few times and even spent a week as low man on the totem pole of Colt Keffer Cattle Co. It was okay, I can out alive, no biggy!

Larz got 30,000 miles put on him and they were all short trips. I wonder where they all came from. (Larz is my Dodge Charger. I name my cars, don't judge.) There were a few trips to Kansas City, on trip to a wedding that damn near killed me, a trip to another one in Texas that was much easier on me, some Liveauctions.tv sales, weekends in Stillwater, a visit to Amarillo and a ton of dorking around. Man, seems like I had a lame year. Wait... one trip home. See above:)

I only got to fly three times last year. That is a sad, sad thing for me. And two of the trips were in the last two months. Invite me to visit you people. I am bored just reading that statement.

I turned 30, it sucked and made me grouchy. I have found grey hairs, spent way too much on wrinkle cream and reverted back to bangs. I enjoy them, but I still have that "your an idiot" line in between my eyes.

Spray tanning became a slight addiction and a permanent figure in my life. I don't care if it tastes funny and could give me stripes, I am in love with it. And, if any of you know me you will understand that making fun or trying to dissuade me to love it won't work.

Circle K took me on a weekend vacation, one that I hope becomes a yearly trip. However, we would like to have some friends go with. That weekend was fun and we started rattling off people (couples, I guess) that could go with us. Much to my chagrin we couldn't think of any b/c I get along better with the men than most of the women of the couples. So sue me, I am a man's woman... if that makes sense. I am one of the guys. Much better stated. So, unless I start playing nice or go deaf, we will again be alone on our trip. :) I am evil.

Now that I try to type about how amazing I am (sarcasm) I realize my year was pretty boring. I think I would take boring over too much drama or death. Things are okay this way. Things are more than okay- I am blessed!!!!! Yep! I am.

Count your blessings, even if they come down to realizing your pain in the ass little brother isn't that bad after all!