Time Out

It is official. I am in time out. A self appointed time out, nonetheless.

Things that have came out of my mouth today haven't been very Christmas spirity. Like my trip to the package shipping HQ. Mind you, not my last minute mailings..... those will go out in January! LOL. So, I get there with specific instructions from my boss as to when he wants them to arrive to their designated locations. The one to Texas was a snap. Then the gentleman, who wasn't wearing a shirt when I walked in, told me the one to Colorado may or may not make it. UPS wasn't guaranteeing any packages because of winter weather. I asked him, more sternly than either of us anticipated, if I needed to go to the UPS store myself. He rambled on about winter weather and I somewhat gave him a dissertation on my growing up in the north and knowing how to drive in it, but since I didn't have the time in my schedule to deliver them I trust that UPS has drivers from that region who can navigate the roads. There is no way they would enlist drivers from Florida to send holiday packages to and fro in the winter weather. Those specific packages will reach their new owners by Christmas, but I anticipate the boxes got a nice kick before they got loaded. My bad!

My husband, the greatest one in the whole wide world, wants me to go to a basketball game. This has put me in a foul mood b/c I have to pack for a trip home. Guess he doesn't own a calendar or consult it on a regular basis. I am done with that:)

I just littered. I NEVER litter! I once stopped the car, on 231, to make April get out of my vehicle and pick up a gum wrapper. I wouldn't let her back in until she found a little piece of trash to tote back with her b/c I realized mid- tantrum that the wind took her actual wrapper away! And just now, as I was tossing out that ever annoying green, grass looking festive crap in the bottom of a basket I let some flutter away in the wind. I could have cared less. Don't judge me, okay?!?!

For the most part, that is what has my figurative panties in a wad.

Sincerely,
In Time out:(

He graduated!

As I type this, my college graduate brother is in a real-world job interview. It seems more bittersweet than my own did for a multitude of reasons. I thought this summer was hard, but this is the nail in the coffin of our family. Morbid terms, but to me this means we are an older family now. People will age more rapidly, lives will change more dramatically and we won't be little kids any more.



This summer, I cried like a baby at the Junior National. Not only was it hard to swallow that our family was done with junior shows for good, but it meant that Colt and I weren't juniors either. Granted, I gave up my membership years ago but I chose to live vicariously through him. And, as some of you calculate my age and scratch your heads wondering when I will birth my own junior let me tell you- I don't think that will be the same. Being a parent to a junior is something totally different to me.



As Colt went into his first heat of showmanship, Rascall Flatts' "Hear Comes Goodbye" came on in the ring. Mind you, I hate that band, minus a few songs but it brought a lump to my throat and tears in my eyes. As I looked around, I noticed the same people were around me as were around me when I took my last heifer in the ring for my last show. Great people will stay in your life forever, but you take them for granted until you squint through tears! I honestly believe that. Having Colty ask me how to do a tail and requesting I carry him a bucket of water before finals were more than I could handle. Cue the tears.

Then came this Saturday. First we didn't know if he even made it to the big parade of future tax payers. Even his friends, who delivered him to the site, were unsure if he was in the throng of robes. Come to find out, our little boy was the second name called in the Dept. of Ag! Heck, that isn't where we thought to look... at the front of the herd. No way. So needless to say, I wasn't prepared and didn't snap too many pictures.

On to our party time... I mean his party! We had fun, his friends came from far and wide and had a big time. Youngest MCS auctioned them off and I must say, I am excited for that kid to start selling sales. He was amazing! Would love to sell via the Internet with him!

Now, Colty is in a job interview, one of the most nerve wracking things in the world. And, I must Christmas shop for my hubby for the sixth Christmas! Why are we all grown ups and doing adult things? I am not having a good time with this. Now that Colty is gone from Stillwater, it seems to be the perfect time to grow up, do all the adult things people do but I DON'T WANN!!! !!!!!

So, as I wiped tears from the corner of my eyes on Saturday, looked at my mom and dad and fondled my wedding ring, I was resigned to say that time is moving along more rapidly than I ever expected. I am not belted in properly and I don't know if I want to be. I love this crazy, fast life and the person my family lead me to be. Thanks to you all for supporting my little brother and I!

Co-workers

I went from an office of four to an office of 7, when at max capacity. I once was surrounded by dead silence and mortuary-esk conversation to lively ness and sunshine. Bonus and bonus.

But, with this office and our bonds I believe they have singled me out to be sacrificed to the land sales God's. I only say this in jest, partly. Part of me thinks the 8 hour/day supply of straight black coffee, the daily (often twice daily) offerings of the goodness of Braum's and their ice cream treats and the ever flowing pieces of chocolate are simply offerings to plump me up. And I'll be damned- it is working.

And now that the holiday's are among us, I feel a slight need to be tubed like a bloated show heifer each and every time I waddle out of 440 West Main. I am starting to think all the Vitamin D I am absorbing from the sun is acting like Miracle Grow for my love handles. But, I DON'T like it!!!!

As of right now, within arms reach of my Hunchback of Notre Dame shaped physic is a 3 cubic foot size bag of popcorn, one 2 gallon jug of pretzels, 50 or more pieces of Carmel chocolate squares, one smoked turkey, a tin of those unsavory cookies, and a basket of various chocolate dipped dohickey's. And, we are still a few days out from completing our haul. This sucks so bad!!

And this weekend is Colty's graduation, of which I promised white chocolate covered popcorn, creamy party potatoes and boiled shrimp!!! There is this small, almost inaudible voice, telling me I have willpower and I won't snack. But the snacking side of me is setting on the little voice and smothering it with it's giant, lumpy butt:)

Anyone have a nice jump start your heart, not too touch workout I can try? Please? For the sake of my expensive jean addiction and my empty pocket book!!! Unless you are all getting a good laugh out of me jiggling around like Santa, then I guess you will just keep your workout to yourself, won't you?!?!?! YOU WILL I KNOW IT:)

So, I am going to waddle to the coffee pot in an attempt to get my heart rate up high enough I can consider that a workout!

Tis The Season.....

This time of year brings floods of memories for us all. I struggled with enjoying the holidays for many years after my grandmother's passing. I was nine, it was Christmas day and I didn't know that I could ever enjoy it again. To me Christmas day was a day that made my mom cry and that didn't seem to jolly to me. Mind you, she went overboard compensating for it and as I get older, I realize it was as much for her as us. She wanted to bring us happiness and laughter to fill herself with it. Makes sense now.

So, the older I get and the longer I live in my own home the more spirit I get. I am only allowed two trees in the house this year. Our artificial 6-foot tree isn't allowed on the back porch and I can only decorate with 1/4 the enthusiasm and sparkle that the Griswold's used. Those are my rules from Circle K and let me tell you how hard it is!! I have enough white lights, courtesy of my over indulging in them for our wedding, that my itty bitty house would show up on Google Earth. Santa wouldn't be able to deliver anywhere else as my roof would entice the reindeer to land there and there only.

With decorations come a few memories I can dust off and laugh at. No focusing on sad stuff that happened over 20 years ago, and don't think I am not still hurt from it. I have been blessed with my mother for more years than my own mother had hers. So, I just find a way to smile at things:)

Most of our Christmas morning pictures involve me with bed head and big glasses. Heck, one year my glasses matched my jammies and my hair was permed. Those are buried in a pile at home for no one to dredge up and view ever again.

Before we moved to our current house, we bought a live tree and lit it for the holiday. Then we took it to our new house, planted it and now it is HUGE! I hope to do something like that with my kids, but I am finding pine trees aren't deciduous to Oklahoma and the dear nosh on them. Maybe a different sort of tree will have to work?

Mom took Piper Young and I to see Home Alone, before we knew they would franchise it and force three or four more on us! Colty tagged along. I will never, ever forget how sad he got when the hot iron fell on the bad guys face and burnt him. We laughed so hard at him and that made the poor boy cry!! Evil is laughing at that, isn't it?

I had the greatest mom and aunts who stood out in the cold with me to watch the tree lighting in Indy, then hit up Circle Center mall..... the first or second day it was open! That was during the state football championship in 1996- my sophomore year of high school. Present day is 2010. I bought two things of Mac makeup then and there! Was spoiled to have gotten it and I JUST now got rid of it. Like this spring. I am pretty sure it was past the six months they urge people to keep their makeup! Whoops!

Then there are the things from older years, like eating leftovers from Keffer Christmas on paper plates while listening to Rodney Carrington's Morning Wood CD at the kitchen table as a family. We laughed until we cried and that is a memory. Insert "you might be a redneck" jokes here! Or the year I had to borrow mom's car to help Susie wrap gifts. We drank a bottle of wine, forgot to wrap gifts and went to be at 3 a.m. My family never called to see if I was okay or not. They went to bed without checking on me. My feelers got hurt:) Or the year my dear husband got me a coffee pot and I didn't drink coffee. Poor guy has taken ribbings for that ever since. (I now like coffee, BTW.) And one last one- the first Christmas I spent away from my family found me in southwest Oklahoma. I received a down coat from Santa. After getting ready to take part in a foreign Christmas with virtual strangers who were bound to stare at me, I put my new coat on as a shield. With it I was safe. But, with it on I was sweating since it was over 60 degrees that day. How do people live like that?!?!?!?!?!?

Tis the season to make yourself a toddy and skip down memory lane in the glow of your lights. Time to remember that we are a damn lucky bunch since we have roofs and blankets, too. Donate a warm coat, a toy, or time please?

Five Oddities About ME

As most of you know, I am odd, I grew up showing Herefords and I bleed orange. Well here are five things about me most don't know. Guess it is time to let the cat out of the bag on a few of these.

1) I make lists of lists. I have started four grocery lists and they are not alike. I made a list of things to do at lunch and didn't do a single one of them. I knew it would be too hard to get my fanny back into the office, so I took a quick walk around the 'hood.

2) Ever since I received a link to YouTube for some funny singing midget, I have to check it out each day. He is proof that I don't need a built in webcam on my laptop or I would be doing the same crap he is! Check him out- I cannot listen to the song he covers here without doing some of the motions he does:)





3) Sunglasses shutter when they think I am about to buy them. Every single pair of glasses I own or have owned are scratched and crooked. Even the prospect of spending good money on the cannot motivate me to treat them with respect. I just suck at sunglasses.



4) I recently diagnosed myself with early onset Alzhymers. I can't remember shit. As I type this, I am struggling to remember what I wore to work yesterday and don't even ask about Wednesday. No nada clue at all!



5) I am addicted to Words with Friends, so much so that I have a game going with myself. Cough, cough- NERD! If you read this and you play, please look up kcjkinder.



One more quick thing: We got a side of beef and it is winter. That means only one thing. TONS of crock pot creations. Share yours with me. I fear Circle K will take away my crock potting privilidges if I don't come up with something new. Nothing better and more nutritious then BEEF!

Grey Hair.

Why me?

Stated by Wikipedia...."It is clear due to lack of pigment. The clear hairs are seen as grey or white because of the way light hits it. Grey hair typically occurs naturally as people age"

Granted, every day I wake up I tend to age. In number, but not spirit, mind you. Some say stress causes grey hair, but I am not stressed. I mean, come one people. I have the blood pressure of a corpse, I am spoiled rotten and tend to never make plans b/c I can roll with the flow of things. Does that spell out stress to you? Okay. Spastic might be one of the words associated with KC and her life, but not stressed. Two totally different things in my mind.

Well, I got one. I got a damn grey hair and I want to return it, along with a copy of my birth certificate, to the pigment fairy. She can see that I am only 30 and I don't need my hair color to be altered.

Here's a little back story about this one ugly hair. After a great haircut, at ULTA in OKC if you need someone, I rush home to show it off to my hubby. So, we chat, eat dinner, watch TV, blah, blah and I decide to get ready for bed. I am twirling about because this was my first hair cut since May and I really needed it. I don't normally "Need" a cut b/c I don't damage my hair per say. For those of you who don't remember..... my hair is stick straight, board flat, lacking in body- however you opt to describe it.

Well, on this particular night the light hits my head just right and ALL BE A SUCK EGG MULE!! Grey hair alert! Grey hair freakin' ALERT! This can't be. I just strolled out of a beauticians chair. She just ran her hands all over my scalp and she seemed to miss this wire of a thing attached at the follicle. How could she not have known it was there? For crying out loud it stuck out: it had the texture of a Jack Russel's coat, it has a slight wave to it and some volume! Don't get me wrong- I have always wanted those last two attributes, but not if I have to fore sake my color!

In an attempt to get rid of this reminder of the death of my youth, I grabbed at it, tugged at it, wrapped it around my finger and yanked on it. I even enlisted the help of some tweezers. Twenty five minutes later, wish a slight glisten of sweat on my brow, I came out triumphantly with the thing off my head, in my hand.

Then I crawled into bed, clutching my stuffed kitty cat and quietly wept over being an old hag. End of story. Sad day in my world. Don't tell anyone, okay?!?!

Airhead

I am such an airhead. Let me give you some instances and let you decide. Most of these have happened within the past seven days!

An office on Main Street with a window is where you can find me five days a week. I have been here since the start of July. I just figured out that I am always touching my nose or picking at it somewhat and the people outside can see me. DURRR!

In an attempt to lay out a brochure, I had to google color wheels to figure out what colors match. This means I walk around every day wearing colors that might not match. In my head, most solid colors go together. Anyone want to refute me?

My grocery shopping always involves one large trip and one subsequent smaller trip because I don't right anything down. Like last night, I made a big trip and got home to see no milk left. So, guess I can go to Wal-Mart again today. Oh joy!

I encountered a "Right Lane Closed" sign on my way to the Royal. I signal and get in the proper lane. Well, wouldn't you know their right and my right were totally opposite. I got in the damn right hand lane thinking I was in the correct one! I about took out the orange barrels.

People who look at the pictures on my desk ask me why I don't have any pictures of my husband. I always tell them I have a wedding picture right here, only to find out that it doesn't contain Circle K. Who frames a wedding picture, minus the groom? This cat.

Speaking of husband, I got a request from Circle K to wash a load of his underwear when I get home. He will be sorting cattle late tonight and he needs them. I had to write myself a note to do it. I am the wife who has to take down a note to do laundry. Some call that horrible but I blame it on being an airhead.

As for what I wore yesterday, don't even bother asking. I diagnosed myself with short term memory loss years ago. To prove it, I got up from here, refilled my coffee, pottied and it took 15 minutes for me to remember I was doing this.

And on that note, I am going to spell check and get the heck off the Internet. I have two Words with Friends games to attempt to win!!!!

Thursday's Words....

I found these words on another blog I follow. The concept is to tell how one has used these words this week. Or to explain your week.... Let's roll.

And the words are..........
Happy
giddy
Joy
glee
thankful

I am happy it is finally Thursday, since I have been mistaken on the day of the week twice.

I get giddy by having a dinner guest and I had one last night.

Joy smells like a clean cow and I almost cry every time I work up a good lather. Takes me back to the showbarn.

I watched the Britney Spears episode of Glee recently and that show is ludicrous. Good singers, stupid concept.

The little brother is getting a scholarship and I am thankful for the people who sponsored it! Congrats Brother:)

BUGS!!!

Ants to be specific. They are crawling all over our office. They have came in hordes, droves, herds or whatever the congregate in. I have them marching upon my desk, sending shivers up my spine.

Mind you, I am not afraid of them. I am creeped out by them. As of right now, I feel like one is in my nose. I have picked at my nose, with the assistance of a tissue, on four separate occasions never remember I am in a storefront window. Wonder if the bar full of patrons across the street are posting videos of me digging on YouTube. Oh well. I know it is irrational to think there is an ant marching in my nose, but I do.

I also feel like they are crawling up my leg, which I have had them do before. I may or may not have drug my leg through a fire ant hill in Colorado. The only funny part about it, once I administered the proper amount of drugs for my swelling to skin ration, was that I tossed Brat about on the back of the flatbed truck. Only consolation, I tell you.

My life is also consumed by crickets. Can anyone tell me why they are seeking refuge in my office and are using my house as a morgue? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? Okay. Nope. I am sure I am not the only one dealing, since it is fall, but am I the only one going nuts?

So, in an attempt to giggle at my own neurosis, I leave you with this video. Happy Hump day world. I am off to kill more ants with Windex!!

Miscellany Monday

Tada.... it is really Monday. And now I am realizing I only blog on days when I can put a whole laundry list of crap for you to indulge your boredom. Oh well. Read on......

1) I was never in love with television shows before we got a DVR. I didn't want it, directv gave it to me for free and now my world semi-revolves around it. Makes my fall go faster. Once the weekends weather sucks and my husband is MIA, I can watch whatever I want, whenever.

2) The word nunnery isn't the actual place you go to become a nun. I can never come up with the actual word convent when I need to, but I did just hear it used by someone. Guess I am not the only one who makes up their own words.

3) My weekend was pretty stellar and I wonder who wouldn't want to be me. Ask me that yesterday and I would have said I felt like warmed over death and I hated myself. Amazing how your perspective changes a day after being totally hung over:)

4) I all ready have part of my outfit picked out to tailgate in at the O-state game I get to attend in Manhattan, Kansas. And, if the days don't go faster than today, I might have signs made! Boring Monday.

5) If you haven't read "Love Story" by Erich Segal, circa 1970, go to barnesandnoble.com and buy it now. Don't delay. Total classic and an amazing piece.

6) I want a superpower. End of the story.

7) I would like to put the band Sugarland into a capsule and shoot them into space. I am over them, I hope I never have to hear them again. Again, end of story.....

8) The whole idea of this is to go to 10, but I can't come up with anything else. I bored myself and now I am done. Have a great one!

Miscellany Monday on Tuesday

Do this with me, people. Five random Monday facts... minus me being a day late. Thank you Christoper Columbus, who sailed the ocean blue in 1492. When you are older, I will tell you the rest of the song.

1) Since I would be spending my day on the block Saturday, I opted to hit my nasal allergy spray. My tongue is still numb but I seem to be alive. That stuff is potent and I hate medicine, but it sure helps me for days on end. I noticed the ring wasn't the most pristine and moist, so I knew it would be a good option. My eyes were caked with dust and boy oh boy did I have a bag of shavings lodged in my snout. BUT, I didn't sneeze!

2) My weekend consisted of cleaning, making necklaces and reading. I read two books:) Call me what you want, but it isn't like I am reading books that will enhance my chances of becoming president or winning a Noble Prize, so don't get scared. They are simple mindless drivel that makes me yearn for a vacation and declare I need romance in my life. Back to reality, I made a roast and watered my flowers.

3) Karma is a bitch, even in foreign languages, and I think one of the Chilean coalminers figured that out the hard way...... when his wife AND girlfriend stopped by the site for a visit at the SAME time. I giggle. I also live my life in a way that this won't happen. I will never become a coal miner for a number of reasons, college degree and living in Oklahoma are two that run off the top of my head. And, I like to think that there are some of us out there that got damn lucky and married a badda$$ like I did, so they don't have to do that. Laugh your butt of here.

4) I lost 10 years from my life Saturday night and it went something like this. Drove like a bad out of hell to get home in decent time from Texas in case a package arrived. To my dismay, it didn't so I entered my house, began opening windows and turned on the TV. It greeted me with the loudest program ever and I didn't really know why. (Still don't) I start to wonder why it might be that loud while wondering into the bedroom only to find the dish box power was on. I NEVER do that and as I open the window I attempt to tell myself I am not about to be abducted. Well, wouldn't you know about the time I get into the living the power goes out... no warning, no flickering and no tell who is about to rip my guts out with a butcher knife and steal all my worldly possessions. As I start shaking and walking toward a candle, I can't help but put my back to a wall. I do this the whole way to the knife drawer, to the phone and to the kitchen. I then call in the outage, relieved that I don't have to speak so the potential murderers can't pinpoint my location.
The next thing I know, I hear a car stop and I hear voices. This propelled me right on over the edge of lunacy. I grabbed a cold beer, lit more candles while shaking as my dad would say "like a dog shitting razor blades, and cuddled with my large, large knife. As it runs through my head that one door isn't locked and my killer is coming for me from the outside, I opt to face them head on...... only after attempting to turn on my Scentsy burner five times. FYI- they are worthless in a power outage:) I mark outside, cell phone, beer and knife in hand, and decide if I am going to die I am going to do it outside so my carpet stays clean and Chisolm would have a higher chance of selling the property.
Well, come to find out there was a power surge 10 minutes before I got home b/c a wreck hit the power lines or something. The whole 'hood was without power and I almost dropped the giant knife on my toes. And, as you can tell I am alive and well to blog about it. Thanks for your concern.

5) I kept a plant alive in a basement for over a year. Two weeks in the sunlight and it is almost dead. Steller Keffer, Steller.

Snapshot of my desk

So, I have this new job and a window. Notice the amazing glow of sunlight?! You don't even understand how excited I am to have sunshine. No more basement dwelling, troll felling for this lady. I got bored and took a picture of my cleaned off desk... yes. This is better than most days!

Let me take you on a tour:
On the left you have my phone, recently Cloroxed and covered in phone numbers. No one has ever accused me of being rainman and even after three months on the job, I haven't the slightest clue what our number is or what my bosses cell is.

Please direct your attention to the mass amounts of fluids. I stopped drinking pop months and months ago (imagine me patting my own back:) and that is an unsweet tea and a bottle of water. The other cup is coffee. I like my coffee like I like my men. Strong and unadulterated. Anywho, I think my coworkers are trying to off me b/c coffee is in a pot round the clock. My hair will twitch on some days and others I am running around like a rat on acid. No bueno.

Welcome to a tour of my lunch. I was 15 minutes late and opted to eat at my desk. Plowing slowly but surely through a chef salad. I love me some veggies. And, I don't' mind getting my lost time back while dorking around in the office. What can I say. I will be late for my own funeral as I was for my birth.

Burning candle to cover the old building smell. I have come to enjoy the smell. Now the smell of the cat and dog dung outside the back door I don't enjoy. I don't like when cat poop smell wafts into my delicate nostrils. Cow poop, total other situation.

In this image you can only see one of the three computer screens I am using today. Double screens for my desktop edition from the office. I have seen turtles mate faster than this thing can load things. Craig.... if you are reading this we NEED a network to back up stuff on:) Alas, I hope you aren't reading this! I am using my laptop to manipulate video. I concurred a problem today that had plagued me for two days. I did a little victory dance, only after I took notes on how in the hell I did it. That is typical me. Fix it and not be able to remember what I did to win.

Pink envelope, middle of the computer screen. Susan Koman donation envelope. Get one, write a check and support the movement to save the TaTas! Run, don't walk to find something to buy, an organization supporting breast cancer research or a person taking donations for the Race for the Cure. I know you can.

The end.

Spray Tanning

I will admit. I am somewhat addicted to spray tanning. Well, I am totally addicted and it is not thanks to the one-year contract I let them sucker me into. Something about a woman wearing a wedding ring and shaking her head no, while muttering "I am scared of commitment." doesn't stop them. Alas, I have about 10 more months to see if our relationship was as valuable as I first thought.

You see, I can always say no to gimmicky offers. Chingy, on the other hand, will buy anything. Ring the doorbell and profess that the solution you are peddling will get out blood, guts and chocolate and you have a sure sell. That guy is the worst and I am the anti-buy. Well, until it came time to start going to this unnamed tanning joint. They are so persistent and I am addicted to their service that I finally caved. But did that stop them... NOPE. They want two years out of me. Oh the special offers. Piss off.

Yesterday I was feeling especially pasty, so I dropped in to get a little body work. Well, it was about the worse experience I have had in my months of doing this. It started out with there being no mat. You don't think this is a huge deal until you realize that the bottoms of your feet will be slick as snot when you get out and the cheapskates at the Joint decided stained concrete was the way to go. Note to anyone out there........ It is icecapades slick, don't go for it. Shell out some money and enjoy your unbruised melon.

So, I put on the crap to keep you nails and special parts from Snooki-ing. If you don't know Snookie, she is what Willy Wonka had in mind for an umpaloompa. So, I put it on only to remember that I didn't put on my coating of stay tan longer jiz like crap. Humf! Another product I now own from the Joint. Well, let me tell you that I will carry that stupid bottle around even when empty to keep them off my back!!!! I scrub my hands off and coat myself up. Insert my skepticism here: it doesn't make you any more tan, any longer than, oh say BABY LOTION!!!!!!


I get in, take a deep breathe so I don't inhale the substance coming out of the nozzles. Well, the voice comes on, I take a deep breathe then panic. I might need another, so I take it, and another. I do this until I am sure I will pass out then the spray comes out. I sputter and take a nice breath of the fumes while turning to position two. This happens during the whole session, my tongue throbs by the end and I am light headed. I am such a genius, huh?

The next process is drying. I love that it helps you dry off so you stay evenly coated. However, on this occasion I let my mind wonder and instead of turning to the front when prompted to, I let it do half my back for a third time. That jolts me out of my deep thinking by KC moment and I rush around to get only half my front. So, front side= 1.5 drying sessions. No bueno, peeps, no bueno. I am now light headed, half dry and about to sail across the room naked. Wonderful.

SO, I manage to find a towel to use as a fan, fan dry my naked-ness and get somewhat tan. Looking at my hands today, it seems I might have given a hand job to one of the Ompalompa's!!! My little mess up in steps might have given me one orange hand. Go Pokes!

Anxiety

That title word is something quite foreign to me. I am the girl with the BP of a corpse, who finds it entertaining to go to the doctor and watch a nurse struggle with finding it. I often have to stifle giggles and then inform them that I am normally at 72/60 or in that range. They often adjust their maneuvers and figure me out.

But, in the past few days I have felt out of wack. I just have some stuff on my mind and it has actually bothered me. Growing older, perhaps. Feeling guilty about my proximity to my family I believe. Or, becoming what people expect of me and living up to that. Yeppers. Damn it sucks getting older.

The tightness in my chest is wearing me out. Now, before you say "head to the doctor" I am totally in control of it. Lately it happens when I let my mind wonder to my family. What am I doing so far away from them? How in the hell did I pick a life 12 hours from anyone that holds a place so deep in my heart, that created my heart?????

Even shopping does it to me. I never know when I might not have money. I should save it. Pinch my pennies. I stopped drinking pop for that exact reason. I make coffee and tea at the house and tote it to the office. But then again, I buy a cute scarf here and a new wallet there............Insert increased pulse here. BUT, my laptop is slow and I want more layout software, so I should buy a new one... SHUDDERING with fear. I am a head case.

Another thing that makes me twitch and shake is how my jeans fit. Or, to be more specific how they USED to fit. I have to find someone to chase me around and yell at me from the back of a golf cart. This is out of control lazy pants! Then, that makes me think of the need to buy bigger clothes, the fear of shopping, the buyers remorse and we are back where we started.

Does anyone have any suggestions for helping me out? What makes your pulse race and makes you sweat a little? And I am not asking for anything odd or dirty:)

To close on a somewhat funny note. I wore trouser pants yesterday and if you know jeans you know they have wide legs, big open bottoms. Well, Circle K declared war on the moles destroying our pseudo yard and I was enlisted to spray the repellent on them. I did the patch closest to the house, dragging my feet because I didn't want to venture to the back of the acre. I saw a snake there, I got lunged at by a snake there, I don't like it. So, I remembered how to tight roll and off I went. Imagine me in baggy jeans, tight rolled, white basketball socks and shoes I got during a traumatic breakup in college. Ya. That old. I can't wait for Circle K to actually give me the picture!

The Simple Things

The littlest thing brings a smile to my face these days. I don't know if I has always been that way and I didn't care enough to notice or if, in my infinite wisdom and age, I am slowly but surely getting senile and just laughing for no reason.

Case in point. On my country commute this a.m., I saw a pasture sprinkled with Herefords. I rubbernecked it a bit to get the longest lasting glance to pacify me all day. If I were to get hit by on coming traffic, I would have had a shit eating grin on my face since I saw my first love.

Our ceiling fan even brings me to hysterics. I noticed a while back that when a lamp is on and the ceiling light is off the cover makes the shape of a penis. Call me childish, but I get a belly laugh out of it even on the grouchiest days! Mind you, this picture is from my iPhone, but take a look for yourself:) Closest thing to porn I have ever done on the Internet and now I am looking over my shoulder, by the way!

After a weekend out somewhat West, I realized I hold on to memories in the form of pictures way more than some. Call me sentimental, scared to grow up, or simply homesick, but it does bring me smiles. Now, at the office with dual computer screens I can get hours of happiness from my background. Here are a couple of them I have used so far. PS- If I stole them from you, don't worry...... I won't do anything to gain money from them:)

The whole family together to celebrate Colty winning Sr. Showman at the Junior National on his second try, last year of showing. Pretty cool to have the grandparents there. This one is on my desk at the office, not to mention been on my computer screen, and on our entertainment center.

Oh my lands. This wedding was too much fun and brought in too much income to the Manhattan, Kan. emergency room. I can't wait to be able to see more pictures and get some for my house. So, what do you make of my love of photos? I guess some just aren't as sentimental as I am. And, the only reason I like these two is I didn't totally ruin them with my Mr. Ed face:(

Red Rag Top. That song never ceases to bring a huge grin to my face. Just heard it playing and I traveled back to another time, another place. Picture it, Stillwater 2002, OSU Beef Barn. Three souls simply working for minimum wage to survive...... or to scrap together enough case to go to Penny beer once released. Three college students who snuck beer to work, dorked around and acted like they were breaking bulls for Denver. Not sure why, but those hours spent hiding our drinking, leading semi broke yearling bulls and napping in feed bunks was such a simpler life, no worries and no plans to get stuck in one spot for too long. My how times have changed.

Tell me friends, what makes you smile? I hope I can make you smile. I woke up on the right side of the bed today, so I am a barrel of monkeys:)

Peace out Cub scouts!!!

Hair Twirling Will Be the Death of Me

Many New Years resolution lists have included "stop twirling my hair." I think it made it on my feeble list at 15. I have hated the habit for that many years- 15. It drives me nuts to see others do it even. However, I can't stop. I simply cannot.

My left wrist actually hurts me when I do it. I am developing carpel tunnel, I swear to you. Even that doesn't stop me. The cause of this actual post is a near death experience I had last night. Well, it would rank up there with some of my near death driving experiences, but as some of you know I suck at driving. Well, as I was coming home from a "gala" event last night, I was driving along a bumpy Oklahoma road, head leaning against the drivers side window, left hand just going to town on my soft hair. Twirl, twirl little digits! Next thing I know, my head itches, my knee is steering and a car is coming at me. Instead of taking my hand from my hair, I continue to clasp the supple piece of hair and bend my head more to the left in order to scratch my itch. The action of turning my head more to the left made my knee lean that way and the other car didn't like that one bit. (Don't ask why I wasn't using my right hand to steer b/c I believe it was in my hair too.

I need an intervention.

I have read all sorts of things on the Internet about hair twirling. It is a flirting technique, a sign of nervousness or incompetence, or a cry for help for a case of depression, anxiety and OCD. Does any of this sound like KC? Let me start at the top of the list.

Flirting technique? Come on science. If this chick wants to flirt, she will go straight for the method of buying and delivering a drink to the hot dude. Mark that off your list. Some may say I am incompetent, but not a nervous person- scratch that one. I am spastic, not depressed or anxious. And, I am as far from OCD as a human can get. So, science is failing me.

My theory- my hair is too soft. And I don't mean that in a bragging way. I mean that in a my hair is too straight and just there. End of story. I like how soft it feels. That makes me feel like a child and I want to stop. Any suggestions America?

Thankful KC.

I am about to toss my computer out the window, due to my InDesign program defaulting to stroke on all boxes, text won't do what I want, that sort of thing. So, in an attempt to ward off gray hairs, wrinkles and possibly a high equipment replacement fee I am going to list some random, not too deep, things I am thankful for. No explanations. Try it! I dare you.



1- Turn signals

2- Straws

3- Scented candles

4- Free on-line radio selections

5- Ringtones

6- Cotton candy clouds

7- My mom's laugh

8- Coupons

9- Hot pink Post It notes

10- AC

11- The bill that came with the AC to keep my house cool

12- Candid pictures

13- Folding tables

14- Red Dirt

15- House plants

16- The color Turquoise

17- Finding old CD's with pictures from Stillwater on them

18- Not having to think about Chingy all the time b/c he is like my heartbeat: constant and works on its own.

19- Wholesale bead stores

20- Sam's Club

21- Carpet

22- Rubber cell phone cover

23- Neon signs

24- Unlimited ATT to ATT minutes

25- Work




I know most of this is dumb, superficial stuff but I don't care. They make me feel more safe and secure. They made you think about random stuff.


This list brought to you by the letter K.

My Friday

There are just some days that are off and I think I am having one of those.

I almost hit an old, decrepit dog on my way down Waterloo. At first I was upset that I would have killed a beloved family member of some strangers. Then my mind wondered to the damage the impact would have inflicted on Larz and I almost wept.

Continuing down the road, I saw a GINORMOUS tarantula crossing the road. He was so freakin' big he wore a top hat, had a cane and was smoking a cigarette. As I got closer, I kid you not, he looked up and said "HELLO" in this smokers voice. THAT BIG!



However in the third month I have worked in Yukon, at this desk, I have come to realize that driving over 55 MPH makes me feel like I am flying! I bet my mother will read this and laugh because I am a horrible driver who goes way too fast.... while driving with my knee and texting. Sorry everyone. Honk, honk: watch out.


I ate steak, a glorious, wonderful supplied by the Doug Paul family steak for breakfast! I cannot imagine not eating steak for any meal, on any day. We really are lucky to be so open minded and free in our country.



Circle K informed me of a way to put a stop to the Mosque being built on Ground Zero. He said, while eating a bowl of Kixs cereal nonetheless, that all we need to do is bury a pig or cow there and they won't build it per their religious beliefs. Who would have thought that a bowl of kiddie cereal would jump start such deep thoughts so early in the morning. Way to go big Guy!

I am trying to call bankers who are all out for the weekend and all I can think of is how much fun it would be to have curly hair, inherit $35 million, patent a heated port-o-potty toilet seat cover, master the art of writing in some oriental dialect or simply go across the street to the bar. Random, yes. Keffer-esk, but of course.

Peace out cub scouts!

Jet Ski's and me

It was a wonderful weekend that my husband and I shared together in Texas. Perfect sunset when we got their, great meal, beautiful view and a relaxing Saturday morning. He golfed, I got a massage and lounged by the pool. Jealous yet? Well, that my friends might be where the envy dwindles as it turned ugly fast.

This past weekend was the last full weekend Circle K will have until Christmas. Now, before you pity me and worry about my existence and mental health, I have done it before and I will do it a million times again. And, I will tell you this in secret: I really like my fall this way. I find that I enjoy my husband more during the week, we bond more and I get more time to myself to unwind. Love this time of year and I, too, will have plenty of weekend work. Seems like heaven. So, Circle K suggested we run away to the Cliffs Resort at Possum Kingdom lake in Texas. If you haven't been, GO! PS- you read the name of the lake and instantly grab your Toadies CD, don't you. Trust you me, we blared the song Possum Kingdom as we got closer and closer. Don't judge! We weren't the first and won't be the last!

Okay. To get to the ugly part. I loved the view, watching the boaters, skiers and jet sky fanatics alike. Again, WATCHING them. I hate water. I hate water with a passion. So, after the massage and pool time to wind down my nerves, I decided I needed some liquid courage to do the next thing on our adventure list. So, I read a book, at lunch and drank a few beers. Only a few as I was about to hit my fear head on. My lovely groom decided that we needed to rent a jet ski. They float and fly over WATER.

(From this point on, I will lovingly refer to my husband as Stupid. I mean it with all the love in my heart)

Well, Stupid gets done golfing and whisks me to the Marina and moments later he is already urging me to move faster. We had to cross a bridge, over water, that bounced. I stationed myself securely in the middle and tiptoed down the length of it. One would think I was walking the plank on a pirate ship with piranha's underfoot. Nope, just trying to get to the boat rental facility. I got there, suited up with one life jacket since they roared with laughter when I asked for two. Guess they couldn't see me turning green around the gills. (pardon the bad pun)

Load up! I am ready! I am not ready! Panic sinks in, but I can't run away and hide because it would take me 30 minutes to get over that damn bridge that is only about 20 feet long. I suck at life at this point. We are on the beast and Stupid is at the wheel. No wake zone, no problem I tell myself. Then a mere 1.75 minutes into the trip I am about to vomit, I have tears in the corners of my eyes and I asked politely to be put back on the deck. Something along the lines of "this would be so much more fun without me. Just take me back and have a good time." I was about to vomit and Stupid merely chuckled. I didn't know what a no wake zone was, I do know. Did you know that you go super slow there and faster than the speed of light on the rest of the beastly water?!?!??!?!?!?!? I soon found out.

Stupid wanted, with all his little, beating heart, to toss his wife off into the water. Now, I am deathly afraid of water (have I mentioned that?) and I don't like to swim. I will, every now and again, but I must trust the people I am with. At this point, with the howling laughter coming from my husband, I realized he wasn't to be trusted. So, full fledged sobbing starts and I am holding on to a strap on the seat of the jet ski like a bull rider. I have one hand on him, but I don't trust him to not just jump off the moving watercraft. This sucked! It was the dumbest thing I could think of. At one point, upon mentioning my fear again in case he had missed it the other times I have said it over the six years of our relationship, I told him the only thing worse would be if coyotes could swim. That set me into another mode of panic, scanning the beaches for those evil beasts. That is another topic all together.

I came to the conclusion the world is safer without my main squeeze being in the psychology field because if you are afraid of snakes, I believe he would toss you in a den of them and make you "deal" with it. I wanted so bad to bite the flesh of his shoulder! He would gun it, chase boats to jump in their wake and all that shit. I am pretty sure I made fish blush with the string of profanity coming out of my mouth. His words were this "Why are you scared of water? There is nothing to be scared of! Just relax!" Then he would figure eight and jump things. Hum.... wonder why I am scared? I could DIE. Enough about that fear.

So, we got our hour in, looked at some houses on the beach (you can find me living there in two years after I retire for the millions I will make on my heated port-o-potty seat cover) and went back to the dock. As I feebly got off the contraption, the rental kid asked me how I liked it. All I could say was "I am deathly afraid of water, so I can't comment." His eyes shot to full attention and he apologized and gave Stupid a cross look. That was victory enough for me.

Next stop the pool. Riddle me this- I don't like water? Okay, I can handle. Some drinks by the pool, book reading and chatting with Circle K before dinner and a live band= HEAVEN. Thanks to everyone for reading and please don't mess with water because you could die. Well, maybe I just have a skewed version of water safety.... drink it, don't ride around in tin cans on it.

Tootles!

Uncontrollable Urge to Shop

It has just hit me, like the Oklahoma heat! I want to, I need to, I have to S-H-O-P!!! I don't really need to or have to but Momma Mia do I want to. But, when KC goes out to shop, she never purchases. Buyers remorse hits so strong. Even on makeup and groceries. The necessities of life, you know.

I thought I would be odd and show you some of the things I want to buy..... I have champaign taste on a beer budget. It used to never faze me when mom said this to me and she foot the bill. Now, it makes me face twitch!



Example number 1:


These almost $900 pretty shoes.....

Or take this example of a set of wheels I could totally see myself driving.....

Or how about this house I wouldn't mind calling my own, in a perfect world mind you.....
But, in the real scheme of things I will only buy two things tonight.
This one to support agriculture and farmers every where. Well and good bone development!

And this one all women should buy. Help support breast cancer research and raise awareness about the deadly disease. Put down the forever stamps and buy these.

Peace out cub scouts! Eat (BEEF), Drink (WHATEVER) and be merry (JOLLY)

KCK

Spanx and a couple other things.

I did it. I jumped on the bandwagon, I joined the club, I jumped off the bridge. I am like all the other girls now. But, I am not convinced just yet. Are my toes supposed to be tingling? Am I to be this light headed? If so, then they are working wonders. If not, I shouldn't wear them to drive, huh?

So, I was all prepared for my jeans to fall right off my body when I became this encased sausage. Nope. They feel a smidgen different but I didn't transform into Halle Berry. Am I wearing them wrong? Upside down perhaps? I wanted them to corset me in so far I couldn't even dream of putting another morsel of food in my mouth as long as I had them on, which would turn into forever.

It was the no wedgie thing that sold me on them. I have to be honest with my millions of readers. Or, all 20-some of you that are out there:) Wedgies and coyotes are my two biggest, sounding most like death things in the whole wide world. I cannot live with the sense that either is lurking up ahead. Or behind! LOL. Pardon the unwarranted pun.

My posture is somewhat improved all the sudden and I look like a snotty school maid. You know the types. I don't think that is me, but if you grab a camera and threaten me with it I will look like that nine times out of 10. I cannot bend over without my eyeballs bugging out of my head. And that thought makes me giggle thinking of a guy from junior college, a flashback to a time when I didn't really need a garment that would suck me in and reshape my body.

Thank the high heavens I didn't own these this weekend. I couldn't take a breath in my dress anyway, with my abnormally giant ribcage. Throw this torture device into the mix and I would have been one taking a nosedive, not my lovely friend!

And the couple other things: Hold on to your hats! It is going to get deep.

Nah. Just some random gossip like juicy stuff. Hell, not even that really, just my ramblings. (Is this thing on?)

Exhibit A: I notice that I don't like my own choice in music. Should I seek counseling since I can't even agree with myself?

Exhibit B: Toting around a pregnant lady last weekend scared the hell out of me. I think the world is coming to and end and they shouldn't travel from home. That is just me. I am scared of the sky falling and feel they should be doubly afraid.

Exhibit C: My dream last night involved a snake attaching at the County Fair, a showmanship contest while wearing hats and making fun of a girl, my brother giving my docile Hereford some slow juice subsequently causing her to go nuts, my heifer finally getting tired, falling down and maiming herself, Jirl Buck and the day turning to night. Anyone care to dish out some advice on that?

And Exhibit D: It is too hot to live. I just want to nap once I get warm. Like a cat. Watering my yard isn't any fun, Chisolm keeps doing it. Won't we just have to mow? Isn't it truly better for the environment to not water it? And, I am over gardening. I have fried okra enough all ready that my cellphone case smells like it. Or should I say, I have smoked up the house enough to not want to do it again? Ya. That is more like it.

And in closing....

ME BEFORE SPANKX.............

ME AFTER SPANX..... notice the bulging eyes!

Madness Monday

Here is a weekend random wrapup of things I learned this weekend.



1- The Flint Hills of Kansas are pretty this time of year. Driving through them to my final destination didn't make me want to poke a warm spoon in my eyeball. There are actual trees and hills in at least one part of Kansas, much to my chagrin. Also, people live in the Flint Hills, another fact that was only solidified in my mind while driving mach-9 down Hwy 77. I would cruise along and they would want to slow down and turn. Guess they really, really like it out there in the middle of nowhere? Odd.



2- A packed first-aid kit will be empty at the end of a weekend with my friends. Nevermind the ones that didn't go to the ER, he was a lost cause. But, since I had the foresight to pack some stuff I must toot my own horn a bit. And I will boast that a woman is always prepared for a disaster as long as she carries a Tampon. You read it right- one saved a pals life. We have a cake maker down. She had to have herself back in the kitchen to make some creamy goodness. The score was broken beer bottle- 1, cake lady- 0. As she bled like a stuck hog, I got out some antibacterial wash and bandages. It was evident from first look that those little cheap things were not going to stop the bleeding. So, Nurse KC whips out clean tampon and applied it to the wound. The hospital was very impressed and praised me. I am just proud that it kept the cake lady upright for a few more hours in Aggieville.



3- Fist pumping should only be done on Jersey shore. End of story. I can barely lift my arms up to take a drink of tea. I hope that cute little blonde guest book girl is in as much pain as I am today.



4- I could live in a Jimmy John's and that was solidified in my mind as I ate a sandwich from them at 1:30 in the morning. Their bread is close to heavenly and it may or may not have saved my life. The jury is still out however, since I still fell slightly dead.



5- I learned that no matter how tired you are and how beyond ready you are to get back from the bar asking a police officer is never a good idea. No matter how you state it they simply do not understand the "I am tired and I want to leave, so can you do your civic duty and tote me home?" routine. Oops.



6- Ford Focus' are really much more roomie than you would venture to guess. And they can seat seven people comfortably. Or at least I was as I cruised around the Little Apple on the laps of two people. The getting out is the tricky part. We poured ourselves out of it and you take that for what it is worth.



7- There are some hairsprays that are way more superior than the others. And professionals know how to use them, just as how a good fitter can do a better job. One can of helmet head like adhesive and one bad ass hairdresser and I can have volume and lift to my hair. However, it might take a few days for it to recover. If I pull chunks out in the meantime, I will save them.



8- Is is possible that I was in a wedding with the most laid back bride ever. Never did she get rattle or grouchy. Not even when it is T-5 minutes to blast off and the trumpet players were MIA or again when she sprained her ankle. She kept going, making us laugh and loving every minute of her day. Nice party, nice party!



I would love to get to 10, but my attention to blogging has waned and I am out of caring about this project. Hope you understand:)

Confession time

Hi. My name is KC. I graduated college December of ___(Not telling!). It is August 3, 2010 and I have been in the "real world at a desk" for four years. My confession is......During this time of year, I still feel like my job is an Internship and I will be able to skedaddle out of here and move back to Stillwater for many more memory making moments. Then, as I drive to my house, one with walls, driveway, mailbox, garage, I have to force myself to realize I am driving to my permanent home. How horrible am I? Come on- who wouldn't want to have my life, I say. Some days I answer myself back (scary!) with a quick little "why did you even graduate you loser!" heehee.

Oh Stillwater, how I wish I still got mail there and was sweating my butt of bouncing from class to class. If only I knew what I know now, right? Well, okay. It isn't all that bad, honestly, but man oh man was it fun to study in the bar and be in a time when happy hour was really happy. Not full of gripping people who can't like themselves for anything and they can't find one ounce of happiness. NO SIR! Those Friday afternoons that turned to nights in the Penny will forever haunt me in an amazing, colorful way that I would never dispose of. I can forget where I put my grocery list week after week, but I cannot let those times go.

What brought this on, besides the lunar timing? Well, I strutted past a candle that sent me reeling back about six years. It is so funny how that smell put a smile on my face and allowed me to close my eyes, totally visualize my room and what events lead to my purchase of that one little candle. Now, I had to take 20 minutes earlier to remember what I did on Friday evening, and I didn't do too much.

It was spring, my time living with B was almost up and we were cleaning out the kitchen. K had left us for the real world months earlier and we had no clue what the house even contained. It hadn't been fully moved out of in years. We didn't get cable because we couldn't/wouldn't pay for it. We had aluminum foil at best! So, we resorted to cleaning and seeing what we could put together from our finds. Well, all our search yielded was some vanilla flavored Vodka and some Jello mix. Genius- Jello shots anyone? We might have not put in enough water, we might have gotten schooled by some finals in the form of not certain if we passed and we might have had the Jello for lunch. Even as I type this, I have tears coming to my eyes thinking of our escapades from that day. Even at the most hazy, they are still crystal clear.

Another fun quick list of memories that make me laugh, sure you might not and you can simply close this window now. Homecoming of some year, after a tailgate and kickoff we all head South to the Strip in my car, a four door Cutlass. We have 10 people in in, well nine in the cab proper and one in the trunk. I about peed my pants laughing when I heard our trunk passenger tapping on the lid asking to be let out once we stopped. "Hey guys. Are we here? Can you please let me out, whenever you want, on your own time. But, sooner than later, please?"

How about the time I went to Halloween festivities as a Mexican, won a costume contest with a donkey and came home as Cher? If you have any recollection of this, call me and fill me in:)

Then there is the ever colorful nights that involved the game of "Never have I ever" and never will I ever play that again. If you harbor any secrets or have shared your deepest, darkest fears with your closest compadre, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT engage in this game. We learned about golden showers, pearl necklaces, couch cushions and fears of crowds on those nights.

I can't narrow it down to any more that I want to share, or that the first amendment will protect me from getting in actual real trouble. LOL. This was boring for you, but put a damn silly smile on my face. As I set here in my cushy chair, getting ready to hope in my new to me car and drive to my brick, being paid for house I want to go back. Take me back. How could I have been so simply and utterly happy when I had nothing, no money, no furniture worth the time to move it? Maybe it was because I made more of my life then. I had more fun being involved and I better get to living a life like that again. I am slowly but surely getting there, but I still miss that town and the wonderful people that were stocked in it.

Peace out!
Keffer

My 12 hour drive

ALONE! At least I am not reporting on my 24 hour journey alone, as my husband opted to not have me tote him to the airport before I sat out on my drive. I am pretty sure I would have dropped him off at the wrong airport out of spite!



My drive wasn't that bad, great, no nada, nothing. But, one can learn a lot alone for that long with locomotion taking place. I am going to bore you to tears by telling you about them.



To start off, the journey itself isn't that bad. Minus the speed limit getting slower and slower each state I go through. But, the drive from Oklahoma City to Tulsa can always make me blow a gasket. I found out that I do talk to myself by cursing the idiots who are not inclined to get over. AND, they weren't even Texans! (Sorry my friends to the South, but you know it is true.) For instance, D-bag number one had my blood pressure soaring about 45 minutes into my tour. His driving involved riding side car with a Ford F150. Mr. D-bag had cars lined up for as far as the eye could see. One person escaped past him, the F150 was flabbergasted and trying his heart out to get out of the way and I am right behind Mr. D-bag. I used a method learned in Michigan called "attempt to kill their retinas by blinding them with your high beams." Turns out this method only works at night and makes not one iota of difference in the middle of the day. UGH. So, I opted to use my favorite bird finger, which made me wonder if the tint on my windows are dark enough. In the end, the right people won and D-bad cruised on in the left lane. I hope a semi got him into the right lane.


I finally figured out that I sound just like Lady A and Britney Spears! That is all on that topic. Wait.... on the ride home I was told that I as much as I wanted to believe that Circle K just could not let the madness go on! How rude.

What is Missouri good for? What is St. Louis' claim to fame? I mean, besides that baseball team and ginormous arched tin can! I started to believe that maybe the inventor of the rumble strips was from their. I mean, they are so darn proud of them they place them almost in the middle of the freakin' lanes!!!!! Heaven forbid I am trying to text and drive with my knee! I mean, heaven forbid it is windy and I swerve just a touch........... Moving on.

About that texting and driving, how in the world did we live before cell phones? I had a nice deep conversation with myself about it. Okay, I am now realizing I might or might not talk to myself a lot when I drive. Okay peanut gallery, pipe down.

Hum. I guess when I started this I thought I had more revelations. Can someone tell me if it is illegal to drive with your fog lights on? I mean, when they aren't needed. Circle K swears, but he often likes to try to make me believe things that are fake, but I never fall for it. EVER!

Okay. guess I should get the heck off the airwaves, or whatever I am occupying.
Peace out cub scout!
Keffer

It is a very merry Friday around OKC

Well, maybe not, but that is how I am going to choose to term it. Really, I am stuck at my office with no wheels and no rental in sight. Anyone feel like lugging me around for the weekend? Not sure why my car is still in the shop because we don't even know if anything is wrong with it. I have a feeling this might end up like one of those hospital visits where you go in to get a kidney removed and you end up with your left leg amputated.

I am doing some spring cleaning at the office, for a reason unknown to me. So far I have found some expired Chucky Cheese coupons that I don't know why I saved, a signed time sheet that my boss couldn't find months ago, a 2010 calendar as fresh, crisp and clean as the day it was printed and a Jason Boland DVD. I also found some Tums I have been missing and those clacky knocker things we had as children. You know what I am talking about- have a handle and two plastic balls on them that are one there with a "v" shaped piece. They swing back and forth and make an atrocious noise. Come visit and I shall play them for you. They rank right up there with the vovozala's of the World Cup, let me warn you.

In a text message conversation with CD today, I called her the smartest incubator I know. First, to clarify why she is smart- she suggested we all stay at the same hotel for an upcoming wedding. That way the DD, or our DDCD, only has to make one stop. Pure Genius. And, I like calling her an incubator since she is and it makes me giggle. I think of little yellow baby chicks at Louisville when I say incubator. I loved that exhibit where the chicks would ride up this little conveyor belt to the top, stretch out their little necks to grab the food dangling right in their reach and then they would plummet to the bottom, not knowing what hit them. Repeat and repeat. Wonder how the looney animal rights loons never got wind of that. They would cry. I laughed and laughed.

I learned a valuable lesson about fresh produce the other evening. And no, I am not getting on a soapbox, just a nice little story. As you all may know, I am in the business of gardening. I even have plans and space for a fall garden. Let's see how that pans out. So, after work and grocery shopping I decided to surprise Circle K with some jalapeno poppers fresh from our garden. Well, the cook shall taste the first one is a rule I live by. Not sure why because sometimes my cooking could kill a person and I damn sure don't want to be a victim of my own stupidity! So, here I am chatting on the phone to Brat, sipping a cold brew and taking a bit of a cooled down popper. Well, I lie when I say cool because I didn't factor in the heat of the pepper. OH MY GOD!!!!!!! It hit the back of my throat and started a blaze from hell. Once my eyes started to water, I could only croak to Brat what was going on. She got the jyst of it and I rushed to the fridge. Mind you, I don't like hot foods, but have been enjoying this popper recipe for a while now because they are not hot. Well, I check about 32 ounces of milk, on top of a beer also, and all that does is send the flames right down into my rumin! OH MY GOD!!!!! Now the rest of my internal-ness is shooting out flames like Donkey's wife on Shrek. So, the moral of my story is food that takes a trip from plant to plate in a matter of minutes will hurt you. Dangerous! Stand back. Mine are much hotter than Wal-mart's that is for sure.

This is the end of my fourth week without soda pop in my life. Hi, my name is KC and I am addicted to Diet Coke. I am pretty darn proud of myself. I have almost caved, but I cave whenever I try to stop anything so I remain committed. I mean, come on- I have been trying to stop twirling my hair since I was oh say 13 when the stupid habit started. I can even twirl it in cute little knots that come right out. It is an addiction too, one that I am not willing to give up!

So, I hope you enjoy this. I am about to bug out of this basement morgue and call it a day. Ah hell, I don't have a flippin car!!! Guess I better find a rental or work on my hitch hiking. That might be a whole other blog entry!!

TGIF My world!
Keffer

Miscellany Monday

I found this on another blog and decided to roll with it. Must be five totally random things to play along. This shouldn't be hard for me.

1- I am upset with my local corner store b/c their tea sucks and they were out of coffee this a.m. Come on people- give me good tea on my 3rd Monday clean and sober from the diet coke monster.

2- Having decided I always talk like I want a dog, I couldn't deal with the shedding, the potty training and have now given up that idea.

3- My favorite song right now is Ludacris "How Low Can You Go?" b/c it has Alvin from the chipmunks in it. Or at least I think it sounds like that, so let me.

4- My attitude on this Monday can be summed up in one gesture... The bird.

5- My jeans might be too short for the shoes I paired them with and it is weirding me out. I might toss on some flip flops from under my desk to get over the pain of the shortness!

Tootles people. You can do this too:)
KCK

Throwback Thursday

I was prowling the Internet (not in a pedophile type way, in a bored way) and found someone doing this today. Basically I am going to come up with some random facts from way back when about me to let you know more, b/c I am sure you are upset that I am such a closed book! For my loved ones, correct me if I am wrong!

1) I was a fat baby. More chins than a Chinese phone book fat. My nickname was Biff... after the Michelin man. Getting the picture? No? Okay, here is a picture.....

2) As a kid, my dream was to drive a Dodge truck and work at a Hardees. No lie. I like to rationalize that in my adult life like this: There was a Hardees close-ish to the house, we ate lunch their often, I liked it? Dr. Phil, what do you think?

3) If you don't recall anything before 2002, God bless you b/c I was blonde! I mean, BLONDE! This is my natural color that wasn't. Too bad I can't find photographic proof!

4) I had a pet skunk. Odd huh? We let him go before his stinker came in:)

5) Before Louisville my freshman year of college, I strolled in to class at BHE wearing shorts. It was cold. I stuck out like a sore thumb. When approached and asked about my clothing selection and chattering teeth I was forced to admit none of my jeans fit. And I mean none! I won the rate of gain award that year and there are also no remaining pictures of that era, either.

6) I still am a bit upset that Colty and I can't find our giant Christmas stockings. I mean these puppies were HUGE! As in three or four feet tall. Not sure where they went, anyone know?

7) I cussed. Alot. At important people, elderly God fearing people, at my parents. It has been talked about for years and I have been told I will suffer when I have a kid. Oh boy.... Can't freakin' wait.

8) Water is no fun. I hate water. However, after a hot day at the Junior National I was always starting water fights. One even lead to a lawsuit:) That makes me giggle. Glad it wasn't my money.

9) Spring breaks were often in Nebraska for this chica. Daddy and I would end up out there at a bull sale. I got to see some cool places, experience lack of radio stations and picture many events. I made my dad pose with a tumbleweed. I snuck out of the car to picture my dad getting a speeding ticket. I am laughing right now remembering the expression on his face when he saw me jump out from beside the car, hunker down and motion for him to smile! One year I took my newest edition of the Guinness Book of World Records so I would know how to contact them once I made the WORLDS LARGEST SAND CASTLE. I didn't get in the book.

10) Hi, my name is KC and I never learned to NOT put my tongue on cold surfaces. I got it stuck to a window at my Grandma Keffers, to a door at my Grandma McBees and even to a freezer door once. I am kinda cute, not very smart!

Hope you are still awake. Thanks for reading.
Until later- Keffer

Catch you up.

Just a few quick things...

1) Our house and our belongings have been lucky, thus far with the oddball Oklahoma weather. The hail that looked like the aftermath of a blizzard went 10 miles south of our house, leaving us with a slight rain shower that watered the garden. The tornadoes of last week also went way south of us. Thanks for everyone that has checked in. And, if you haven't... shame on you;) HAHA

2) My herb's died. Cute little blue potters now looking for something else to live in them. Maybe hit up a farmers market for some lettuce or spinach plants. That seed growing crap is for the birds- honestly. Ate the little plants right out of the containers. So, I just hope it gets warmer so my garden can flourish... CROSSING FINGERS NOW!

3) I had a lunch meeting with the American Diabetes Association and if you are looking for a walk or bike event, they have two coming up in OKC. I am sure they have them all over the US. I am going to try to volunteer to help out or find a way for my work to donate something.

4) Thanks to everyone that showed up at Star Lake and purchased jewelry. I had fun selling things during the pre-sale party. Awesome idea, so if you are having a sale let someone help get the crowd in the mood. Have a little trade show. A lady also sold Scentsy at the same time. I will put pics of what I have left up on FB soon.

5) I have decided to try a new recipe every week. This is the one for this week..... Grilled Steak Tacos with Poblano- Mango salsa! You do know that May is National Beef Month, right?!?!?!

6) My brother is back home and I miss having him around. No real reason to sneak to Stillwater! Don't tell him I said this:)

7) I put in my application for the Oklahoma Ag Leadership Program and I am in the works of getting an interview set up. If I get accepted, it will be 3 days a month for two years! One week in D.C. and 2 weeks over seas. Those things have me pretty excited but still hope I get a chance to see the family more often than I do know.

8) I am taking the whole week of Hereford Junior National's off and will be in Indy, so I hope to see EVERYONE!!

9) Got some awesome books I will have to share with you all later.

10) I had a dream last night that I saw my baby picture and I was a conehead, like the movie Coneheads.... what do you think that means????

Give me two steps... or five answers. Whatever!

I found this and wanted to do it in an effort to procrastinate. It said to tag people, but I am not 100 percent sure how to do that.... Here it goes..... Well, hell- that didn't work! Just read them and tell me what you think. Then you do it. That is how I will handle this!!!! Cheers!


Where were you five years ago?
* May 2005.... bartending at the Copper Penny and doing days at a daycare
* Still in Oklahoma, but could have gone anywhere a job would have taken me
* Enamored by a dude named Circle K
* I was living in a more toned body with muscles
* Enjoying a happy hour or two in Stillwater

Where would you like to be five years from now?
* Not farming gophers on my one acre, but with actual grass.
* I should say raising a family, but that still trips me out.
* Viewed as a world traveler
* Judging the Hoosier Beef Congress showmanship, or have all ready done it.
* In a career I am passionate about, maybe with youth.

What is on your to-do list today?
* Finish my Oklahoma Ag Leadership Program application
* Find someone at the bank to write me a letter for said application
* drinks with Teacher after work
* Grocery shop since the tornadic weather put a stop to that yesterday
* water my trees- who I will introduce to you guys soon.

What snacks to you enjoy?
* Cheerioes
* Baked cheetos
* Carrots
* Celery
* Sugar free pudding cups (that question was much easier than the others!)

What five things would you do if you were a billionare?
* Get my mom and dad moved to Oklahoma
* bigger house with land, barn and Hereford babies
* donate to Breast cancer research.
* start a scholarship fund at OSU and BHE
* get a Barbie body... not going to lie here.

Let me spew my knowledge....

I was sad to hear the Ann Landers or someone like that passed away. Now I am scared that my vast wealth of knowledge will die with me when I pass! So, I compiled a short list of things that I HAVE to share with you guys.

Hold on to your wigs folks, this post will blow your mind;)

Hydrogen peroxide gets out stains. Blood, grass, cow dung, etc. Simply test it on a corner of a garment and watch the bubbles in it lift the stain up and away. Then wash as normal.

Use masking tape to hold the hem of pants up if you are too scared to commit to getting them professionally altered or to find out if you like that length. Another denim tip- when trying on jeans (I guess work pants, too) grab different types of shoes from the shoe section- heals, flats, boots, whatever you have in your wardrobe at home- and try them on with the jeans to see if you like the length. BUT, I guess some of you aren't freaks and absolutely petrified of your pants being too short. That goes back to a growth spurt I took and that is a whole other blog post!

Save CD covers in case you have a random first day of Spring snow storm. They will save your butt when you have all ready put away/lost your snow scraper.

If you have floor heat vents and want to add moisture to the house/office, put a metal can full o f water directly on the vent. the heat will cause evaporation, causing more humidity. My mommy taught me this one:)

Put a scented plug-in by the door of your place you enter most. Make it a scent you love and it will help you drop all your stress at the door.

Keep hand sanitizer in your car's console and use once you get done at a store. You don't want all those freaks germs in your car! Before it totally absorbs, run it over the steering wheel, too.

Don't be embarrassed to kick cans at a cattle show. I found two cans of black finisher paint and one of adhesive at the OYE this year. Then I paid it forward and gave to strangers. Minus the odd look they gave me, I felt good. And, I am slowly but surely realizing how great the cost of showing cattle really is. Insert a giant thank you hug to my mommy and daddy here.

Never pay to sweep out your car- do it with a cool Dust Buster like me. This one.............ROCKS!

Buy a fruit bowl! I got one three weeks ago and I haven't left the house without picking up a piece of fruit. One step closer to a healthier lifestyle! AND, I can play with the colors in my house because I am thinking of going with a green color .

Since I am addicted to candles, again- a whole other post- I hate it when my favorite one dies. Instead of buying a higher priced warmer, I bought a coffee cup warmer and it does the same thing for a fraction of the price.

Add cream corn to you Jiffy corn bread if you like it more moist. Follow the directions on the box then add between 1/4 to 1/2 can of cream corn, depending on what you like. It keeps longer if you don't eat the whole pan like me and it comes out more cakey. Total HEAVEN!

This book is my lifesaver on MANY things.... I was that girl that sent my CC payment in the day I got the bill. Not anymore because this book reminded me that I was making that company more money off interest drawn from my early payment! If you are like me, your mind might have wondered during financial or personal accounting and that little fact went to the wayside! Her down to Earth advice and info helped me make more informed decisions on things like home buying, first car purchase and more.

AND!!! I just found out the author, Jane Buckingham, has another book that comes out May 11th. Pre-order here and save! You can bet your bippy I am going to the store and pre-ordering TO-freaking-DAY!

Well, I better get off the Internet and to the mall b/c apparently some people don't like how I dress. Can I find close toe black shoes in the summer? Guess they just don't appreciate expensive designer shoes that make me really tall;)

Peace out cub scout,
Keffer