Jet Ski's and me

It was a wonderful weekend that my husband and I shared together in Texas. Perfect sunset when we got their, great meal, beautiful view and a relaxing Saturday morning. He golfed, I got a massage and lounged by the pool. Jealous yet? Well, that my friends might be where the envy dwindles as it turned ugly fast.

This past weekend was the last full weekend Circle K will have until Christmas. Now, before you pity me and worry about my existence and mental health, I have done it before and I will do it a million times again. And, I will tell you this in secret: I really like my fall this way. I find that I enjoy my husband more during the week, we bond more and I get more time to myself to unwind. Love this time of year and I, too, will have plenty of weekend work. Seems like heaven. So, Circle K suggested we run away to the Cliffs Resort at Possum Kingdom lake in Texas. If you haven't been, GO! PS- you read the name of the lake and instantly grab your Toadies CD, don't you. Trust you me, we blared the song Possum Kingdom as we got closer and closer. Don't judge! We weren't the first and won't be the last!

Okay. To get to the ugly part. I loved the view, watching the boaters, skiers and jet sky fanatics alike. Again, WATCHING them. I hate water. I hate water with a passion. So, after the massage and pool time to wind down my nerves, I decided I needed some liquid courage to do the next thing on our adventure list. So, I read a book, at lunch and drank a few beers. Only a few as I was about to hit my fear head on. My lovely groom decided that we needed to rent a jet ski. They float and fly over WATER.

(From this point on, I will lovingly refer to my husband as Stupid. I mean it with all the love in my heart)

Well, Stupid gets done golfing and whisks me to the Marina and moments later he is already urging me to move faster. We had to cross a bridge, over water, that bounced. I stationed myself securely in the middle and tiptoed down the length of it. One would think I was walking the plank on a pirate ship with piranha's underfoot. Nope, just trying to get to the boat rental facility. I got there, suited up with one life jacket since they roared with laughter when I asked for two. Guess they couldn't see me turning green around the gills. (pardon the bad pun)

Load up! I am ready! I am not ready! Panic sinks in, but I can't run away and hide because it would take me 30 minutes to get over that damn bridge that is only about 20 feet long. I suck at life at this point. We are on the beast and Stupid is at the wheel. No wake zone, no problem I tell myself. Then a mere 1.75 minutes into the trip I am about to vomit, I have tears in the corners of my eyes and I asked politely to be put back on the deck. Something along the lines of "this would be so much more fun without me. Just take me back and have a good time." I was about to vomit and Stupid merely chuckled. I didn't know what a no wake zone was, I do know. Did you know that you go super slow there and faster than the speed of light on the rest of the beastly water?!?!??!?!?!?!? I soon found out.

Stupid wanted, with all his little, beating heart, to toss his wife off into the water. Now, I am deathly afraid of water (have I mentioned that?) and I don't like to swim. I will, every now and again, but I must trust the people I am with. At this point, with the howling laughter coming from my husband, I realized he wasn't to be trusted. So, full fledged sobbing starts and I am holding on to a strap on the seat of the jet ski like a bull rider. I have one hand on him, but I don't trust him to not just jump off the moving watercraft. This sucked! It was the dumbest thing I could think of. At one point, upon mentioning my fear again in case he had missed it the other times I have said it over the six years of our relationship, I told him the only thing worse would be if coyotes could swim. That set me into another mode of panic, scanning the beaches for those evil beasts. That is another topic all together.

I came to the conclusion the world is safer without my main squeeze being in the psychology field because if you are afraid of snakes, I believe he would toss you in a den of them and make you "deal" with it. I wanted so bad to bite the flesh of his shoulder! He would gun it, chase boats to jump in their wake and all that shit. I am pretty sure I made fish blush with the string of profanity coming out of my mouth. His words were this "Why are you scared of water? There is nothing to be scared of! Just relax!" Then he would figure eight and jump things. Hum.... wonder why I am scared? I could DIE. Enough about that fear.

So, we got our hour in, looked at some houses on the beach (you can find me living there in two years after I retire for the millions I will make on my heated port-o-potty seat cover) and went back to the dock. As I feebly got off the contraption, the rental kid asked me how I liked it. All I could say was "I am deathly afraid of water, so I can't comment." His eyes shot to full attention and he apologized and gave Stupid a cross look. That was victory enough for me.

Next stop the pool. Riddle me this- I don't like water? Okay, I can handle. Some drinks by the pool, book reading and chatting with Circle K before dinner and a live band= HEAVEN. Thanks to everyone for reading and please don't mess with water because you could die. Well, maybe I just have a skewed version of water safety.... drink it, don't ride around in tin cans on it.

Tootles!

Uncontrollable Urge to Shop

It has just hit me, like the Oklahoma heat! I want to, I need to, I have to S-H-O-P!!! I don't really need to or have to but Momma Mia do I want to. But, when KC goes out to shop, she never purchases. Buyers remorse hits so strong. Even on makeup and groceries. The necessities of life, you know.

I thought I would be odd and show you some of the things I want to buy..... I have champaign taste on a beer budget. It used to never faze me when mom said this to me and she foot the bill. Now, it makes me face twitch!



Example number 1:


These almost $900 pretty shoes.....

Or take this example of a set of wheels I could totally see myself driving.....

Or how about this house I wouldn't mind calling my own, in a perfect world mind you.....
But, in the real scheme of things I will only buy two things tonight.
This one to support agriculture and farmers every where. Well and good bone development!

And this one all women should buy. Help support breast cancer research and raise awareness about the deadly disease. Put down the forever stamps and buy these.

Peace out cub scouts! Eat (BEEF), Drink (WHATEVER) and be merry (JOLLY)

KCK

Spanx and a couple other things.

I did it. I jumped on the bandwagon, I joined the club, I jumped off the bridge. I am like all the other girls now. But, I am not convinced just yet. Are my toes supposed to be tingling? Am I to be this light headed? If so, then they are working wonders. If not, I shouldn't wear them to drive, huh?

So, I was all prepared for my jeans to fall right off my body when I became this encased sausage. Nope. They feel a smidgen different but I didn't transform into Halle Berry. Am I wearing them wrong? Upside down perhaps? I wanted them to corset me in so far I couldn't even dream of putting another morsel of food in my mouth as long as I had them on, which would turn into forever.

It was the no wedgie thing that sold me on them. I have to be honest with my millions of readers. Or, all 20-some of you that are out there:) Wedgies and coyotes are my two biggest, sounding most like death things in the whole wide world. I cannot live with the sense that either is lurking up ahead. Or behind! LOL. Pardon the unwarranted pun.

My posture is somewhat improved all the sudden and I look like a snotty school maid. You know the types. I don't think that is me, but if you grab a camera and threaten me with it I will look like that nine times out of 10. I cannot bend over without my eyeballs bugging out of my head. And that thought makes me giggle thinking of a guy from junior college, a flashback to a time when I didn't really need a garment that would suck me in and reshape my body.

Thank the high heavens I didn't own these this weekend. I couldn't take a breath in my dress anyway, with my abnormally giant ribcage. Throw this torture device into the mix and I would have been one taking a nosedive, not my lovely friend!

And the couple other things: Hold on to your hats! It is going to get deep.

Nah. Just some random gossip like juicy stuff. Hell, not even that really, just my ramblings. (Is this thing on?)

Exhibit A: I notice that I don't like my own choice in music. Should I seek counseling since I can't even agree with myself?

Exhibit B: Toting around a pregnant lady last weekend scared the hell out of me. I think the world is coming to and end and they shouldn't travel from home. That is just me. I am scared of the sky falling and feel they should be doubly afraid.

Exhibit C: My dream last night involved a snake attaching at the County Fair, a showmanship contest while wearing hats and making fun of a girl, my brother giving my docile Hereford some slow juice subsequently causing her to go nuts, my heifer finally getting tired, falling down and maiming herself, Jirl Buck and the day turning to night. Anyone care to dish out some advice on that?

And Exhibit D: It is too hot to live. I just want to nap once I get warm. Like a cat. Watering my yard isn't any fun, Chisolm keeps doing it. Won't we just have to mow? Isn't it truly better for the environment to not water it? And, I am over gardening. I have fried okra enough all ready that my cellphone case smells like it. Or should I say, I have smoked up the house enough to not want to do it again? Ya. That is more like it.

And in closing....

ME BEFORE SPANKX.............

ME AFTER SPANX..... notice the bulging eyes!

Madness Monday

Here is a weekend random wrapup of things I learned this weekend.



1- The Flint Hills of Kansas are pretty this time of year. Driving through them to my final destination didn't make me want to poke a warm spoon in my eyeball. There are actual trees and hills in at least one part of Kansas, much to my chagrin. Also, people live in the Flint Hills, another fact that was only solidified in my mind while driving mach-9 down Hwy 77. I would cruise along and they would want to slow down and turn. Guess they really, really like it out there in the middle of nowhere? Odd.



2- A packed first-aid kit will be empty at the end of a weekend with my friends. Nevermind the ones that didn't go to the ER, he was a lost cause. But, since I had the foresight to pack some stuff I must toot my own horn a bit. And I will boast that a woman is always prepared for a disaster as long as she carries a Tampon. You read it right- one saved a pals life. We have a cake maker down. She had to have herself back in the kitchen to make some creamy goodness. The score was broken beer bottle- 1, cake lady- 0. As she bled like a stuck hog, I got out some antibacterial wash and bandages. It was evident from first look that those little cheap things were not going to stop the bleeding. So, Nurse KC whips out clean tampon and applied it to the wound. The hospital was very impressed and praised me. I am just proud that it kept the cake lady upright for a few more hours in Aggieville.



3- Fist pumping should only be done on Jersey shore. End of story. I can barely lift my arms up to take a drink of tea. I hope that cute little blonde guest book girl is in as much pain as I am today.



4- I could live in a Jimmy John's and that was solidified in my mind as I ate a sandwich from them at 1:30 in the morning. Their bread is close to heavenly and it may or may not have saved my life. The jury is still out however, since I still fell slightly dead.



5- I learned that no matter how tired you are and how beyond ready you are to get back from the bar asking a police officer is never a good idea. No matter how you state it they simply do not understand the "I am tired and I want to leave, so can you do your civic duty and tote me home?" routine. Oops.



6- Ford Focus' are really much more roomie than you would venture to guess. And they can seat seven people comfortably. Or at least I was as I cruised around the Little Apple on the laps of two people. The getting out is the tricky part. We poured ourselves out of it and you take that for what it is worth.



7- There are some hairsprays that are way more superior than the others. And professionals know how to use them, just as how a good fitter can do a better job. One can of helmet head like adhesive and one bad ass hairdresser and I can have volume and lift to my hair. However, it might take a few days for it to recover. If I pull chunks out in the meantime, I will save them.



8- Is is possible that I was in a wedding with the most laid back bride ever. Never did she get rattle or grouchy. Not even when it is T-5 minutes to blast off and the trumpet players were MIA or again when she sprained her ankle. She kept going, making us laugh and loving every minute of her day. Nice party, nice party!



I would love to get to 10, but my attention to blogging has waned and I am out of caring about this project. Hope you understand:)

Confession time

Hi. My name is KC. I graduated college December of ___(Not telling!). It is August 3, 2010 and I have been in the "real world at a desk" for four years. My confession is......During this time of year, I still feel like my job is an Internship and I will be able to skedaddle out of here and move back to Stillwater for many more memory making moments. Then, as I drive to my house, one with walls, driveway, mailbox, garage, I have to force myself to realize I am driving to my permanent home. How horrible am I? Come on- who wouldn't want to have my life, I say. Some days I answer myself back (scary!) with a quick little "why did you even graduate you loser!" heehee.

Oh Stillwater, how I wish I still got mail there and was sweating my butt of bouncing from class to class. If only I knew what I know now, right? Well, okay. It isn't all that bad, honestly, but man oh man was it fun to study in the bar and be in a time when happy hour was really happy. Not full of gripping people who can't like themselves for anything and they can't find one ounce of happiness. NO SIR! Those Friday afternoons that turned to nights in the Penny will forever haunt me in an amazing, colorful way that I would never dispose of. I can forget where I put my grocery list week after week, but I cannot let those times go.

What brought this on, besides the lunar timing? Well, I strutted past a candle that sent me reeling back about six years. It is so funny how that smell put a smile on my face and allowed me to close my eyes, totally visualize my room and what events lead to my purchase of that one little candle. Now, I had to take 20 minutes earlier to remember what I did on Friday evening, and I didn't do too much.

It was spring, my time living with B was almost up and we were cleaning out the kitchen. K had left us for the real world months earlier and we had no clue what the house even contained. It hadn't been fully moved out of in years. We didn't get cable because we couldn't/wouldn't pay for it. We had aluminum foil at best! So, we resorted to cleaning and seeing what we could put together from our finds. Well, all our search yielded was some vanilla flavored Vodka and some Jello mix. Genius- Jello shots anyone? We might have not put in enough water, we might have gotten schooled by some finals in the form of not certain if we passed and we might have had the Jello for lunch. Even as I type this, I have tears coming to my eyes thinking of our escapades from that day. Even at the most hazy, they are still crystal clear.

Another fun quick list of memories that make me laugh, sure you might not and you can simply close this window now. Homecoming of some year, after a tailgate and kickoff we all head South to the Strip in my car, a four door Cutlass. We have 10 people in in, well nine in the cab proper and one in the trunk. I about peed my pants laughing when I heard our trunk passenger tapping on the lid asking to be let out once we stopped. "Hey guys. Are we here? Can you please let me out, whenever you want, on your own time. But, sooner than later, please?"

How about the time I went to Halloween festivities as a Mexican, won a costume contest with a donkey and came home as Cher? If you have any recollection of this, call me and fill me in:)

Then there is the ever colorful nights that involved the game of "Never have I ever" and never will I ever play that again. If you harbor any secrets or have shared your deepest, darkest fears with your closest compadre, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT engage in this game. We learned about golden showers, pearl necklaces, couch cushions and fears of crowds on those nights.

I can't narrow it down to any more that I want to share, or that the first amendment will protect me from getting in actual real trouble. LOL. This was boring for you, but put a damn silly smile on my face. As I set here in my cushy chair, getting ready to hope in my new to me car and drive to my brick, being paid for house I want to go back. Take me back. How could I have been so simply and utterly happy when I had nothing, no money, no furniture worth the time to move it? Maybe it was because I made more of my life then. I had more fun being involved and I better get to living a life like that again. I am slowly but surely getting there, but I still miss that town and the wonderful people that were stocked in it.

Peace out!
Keffer