Blown Away

Hey Surround Sound.

I have to put this in writing. You blew me away today. We aren't those people with a schedule. So we ventured out today. You made a million friends at Sam's Club. We ate at Red Lobster, because Calin saw the lobster on the sign. You were perfect. Honestly, perfect. Hat off of Calin, because cowboy's don't eat with their hats on. Mind you, you were the first to inform a stranger he should remove his ball cap. That went over like a pregnant pole vaulter. Just let me say.... I tipped well:)

Then, off we went to Home Depot. I gave you both the choice of flowers. What did you want to plant? What ones did you like? Oh my lands, tears sprang to my eyes. You both wanted impatiences. Your grandma Terri's favorites. You don't know that, but you will. We will forever plant them to remember that crazy lady, whom left this Earth much too soon. You won't remember her. You met her multiple times. You loved her. You played and smiled with her. She had cancer. It wasn't her time to leave, because she wanted to be here to watch you grow... in person.

She is watching you. Has been since you were born. Never mind her absence. Please know she adores you and you are the most perfect babies she could ever think of. Way better than me or uncle Colty.

I hope, as you grow, I remember to tell you stories about her. It hurts me, right now, to think that she isn't here to help me raise you. But, please, please know she adored you. You both have so many features that remind me of her. I mean- you picked her favorite flowers. Maybe that is a good omen that we might get our house sold and find you land to raise you like she raised me.

You are my angels from mommy. Everyone that meets you is in love. You have a strength and personality that sucks people in. You blow me away. You played pretend at Red Lobster today. You both brought smiles to many people as you acted like the lobsters were getting you. You fell on the floor and wanted to be saved, while laughing your crazy infectious laugh. I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt. Thank you for the great day.

Remember- Grandma Terri was brave, Independant and always there for anyone she loved. If I can teach you anything, I hope they are those qualities. I know she would be sad if you didn't channel her spirit once and again.

I  love you kids to pieces. Thanks for being you:)

Tantrums and 2-year-olds

Here is another e-mail I sent to Surround Sound. How do we mother's know if we are barking up the wrong tree or not when it comes to the Terrible Two's?

Wow. They always say a few things about kids. 1- you will pay for your raising and 2- the terrible two's are just that. Well, let's just say you are setting the bar pretty high on the terrible part, but I feel more guilt than anything. Yes, I was an insane child. However, I still contend I was perfect:) The guild I have is am I doing it right. Are you being disciplined or spoiled? Will you come out of this stage of fighting bedtime, punching me and having meltdowns about what you wear? 

Mind you, you are the cutest, most lovable babies when you want to be. You cuddle, kiss and love with all your might. But, you also hit, scratch and pull each other around just the same. My first instinct is two slap you back, but not hard. Well, what in the hell will that help? What is that teaching you? Nothing, I am sure, but as a human it is hard to not react. What am I to do? I am glad you check your demonic hitting at the door once you enter your school. I have yet to hear of anything like that (insert me knocking on wood before I pick you up today!) 

How can 2-year-olds determine what they want to freakin' wear? I mean, come on Charli. Just because your pants are khaki and not purple doesn't mean they are your brother's. Calin, you aren't a 75-year-old man and don't have to wear your pajamas all day long. Let's branch out here you two. Let's try listening to your mom, not making it a fight and just go with the flow. I know what I am doing. I dress myself, don't I? Please stop pushing my buttons, every one of them, before 9 a.m.!!

I am also begging you to please just enjoy the outdoors with me in the fenced in yard. It is safe there, we have toys. Granted, no rocks, which is your toy of choice right now, but we can play. We don't have to watch the same damn movie all day, every day. Let's see what trouble we can scrounge up with some water or sidewalk chalk, or even, heaven forbid, your toys. 

I am writing you this so I can let you know I love you with the fierceness of a mother lion. No one will hurt you and no one will make me think you aren't brilliant amazing toddlers. However, your antics, attitudes and tantrums make it hard to remember that at 9 p.m. when you are pinching my face and kicking at me. I am writing you this so you know that every damn minute of the day you are on my mind and your rearing is my priority. I never figured I would be that guilt fueled mom, but I can't help it. I want to get a crystal ball and see if I am doing it right. Will me walking away before I blow up back fire? Should I have tried timeout? Should I start a punishment system? Do I delete all our movies and not cave to your demands? Am I raising you to be better people than your dad and I or am I raising spoiled brats of the future? Please, read this when you are older and let me know how I did. And, please don't hate your dad and I for making you share a car in high school:) Just a warning. 

Love you to the moon and back no matter how many times I say no.

mommy