It seems that this protruding thing I tote around causes much attention. Well, that might be because it enters a room before I do:>( Mark my words.... my boobs will start entering a room before I do once again soon, oh so very soon. Either naturally or cosmetically enhanced ones. ANYWHO... I digress.
So, lately I have had some very random encounters with humans. Take yesterday for example. I traipse in to a gas station, one that I am not a regular at by any means, and this girl goes ape shit over my bump/bulge/speed hump/whatever. Mind you- I have NEVER in my life seen this Mexican girl. I was befuddled by the fact that this young girl was not in school, as in why in the hell was she not at the high school up the road? Why was she here, annoying me? Well, Yukon doesn't have the deepest gene pool, so I chalked it up to the failed education system.
Well, this total and complete strangers says things about how big I am, when are you due and then the UNTHINKABLE happens. She asks if she can touch it! Are you strokin' me, smalls? What? Who does that to a stranger? Not me. I said "No, that is a very odd request." She follows me to the drink dispenser. I was being stalked in the store and the allure of just a little bit of Sprite had me trapped. Finally, I gave her the stink eye that I have perfected on the Paparazzi Aunt that belongs to Chisolm. It scared Mexican and along I went without being pawed.
Another gas station incident wasn't so much about me, as it was him. I am tooling out of the lot and I glimpse to my left. No, I couldn't have seen what I think I saw! There is no way in hell anyone is that dumb.... well, I was wrong. I stare at this gentleman for moments. I completely stop my car to glare at him. Yep. He was smoking..... while pumping gas...... while wearing OU clothes. I am so glad he doesn't wear the colors of the school I love and call home. How embarrassing, huh? And, my other question- how can something like a smoke have that much hold over you that you can't wait three minutes until you are back in your car and driving off? Because I know damn good and well that he wasn't above smoking in his 1997 Ford Fiesta. I squealed out of there, followed by many other people who possessed OSU Alumni stickers. We aren't no dummies!
The fed ex man had some child naming advice for me. His real God given name is Barney. He goes by Joe. He said... don't name your kid Barney. That damn purple dinosaur ruined it for everyone. Okay. So, with that wisdom, you can draw the conclusion that I won't have a son named Barney come Monday. Or daughter, I guess, in our case.
And this last one is a nice one. I was deep into conversing with my mom the other day as I pulled back into work. I thought nothing of it, sat in my car and was there for over 10 minutes. And the reason I know that is b/c Larz shut the radio off on me. So, chat, chat, chat and the local bar fly/owner comes up to me. Mind you, I office between two bars and across the street from one. This particular owner is ALWAYS out there at noon, Bud Light in hand, with his drinking buddy John. As I leave my office for lunch or whatnot, we inevitably chat and the chats lately have been about the rapid growth on my frontal side.
So, in my car I set and here he comes. Mom's chatting, I tell her to hush it and the bar fly says "Are you okay? John and I saw you pull up and you haven't gotten out, so we were scared you were in labor." Now wasn't that nice? They paid attention to someone and took the time to worry. That isn't something that happens every day. If I were in NYC, do you think someone would have observed that and had the slightest bit of worry? Nope. Only in the small town. As I finally make my way to the office, they yelled at me that it was November and I could have these kids any day. Our innocent random chats have stuck with them. That sort of makes me believe in humans. Not sure why. Maybe it's the "hormones"
Okay, until later. I should finish my actual office work. Yes. Still in the office. Mind you, I don't make rocket ships, so it isn't too strenuous!
