It was a wonderful weekend that my husband and I shared together in Texas. Perfect sunset when we got their, great meal, beautiful view and a relaxing Saturday morning. He golfed, I got a massage and lounged by the pool. Jealous yet? Well, that my friends might be where the envy dwindles as it turned ugly fast.
This past weekend was the last full weekend Circle K will have until Christmas. Now, before you pity me and worry about my existence and mental health, I have done it before and I will do it a million times again. And, I will tell you this in secret: I really like my fall this way. I find that I enjoy my husband more during the week, we bond more and I get more time to myself to unwind. Love this time of year and I, too, will have plenty of weekend work. Seems like heaven. So, Circle K suggested we run away to the Cliffs Resort at Possum Kingdom lake in Texas. If you haven't been, GO! PS- you read the name of the lake and instantly grab your Toadies CD, don't you. Trust you me, we blared the song Possum Kingdom as we got closer and closer. Don't judge! We weren't the first and won't be the last!
Okay. To get to the ugly part. I loved the view, watching the boaters, skiers and jet sky fanatics alike. Again, WATCHING them. I hate water. I hate water with a passion. So, after the massage and pool time to wind down my nerves, I decided I needed some liquid courage to do the next thing on our adventure list. So, I read a book, at lunch and drank a few beers. Only a few as I was about to hit my fear head on. My lovely groom decided that we needed to rent a jet ski. They float and fly over WATER.
(From this point on, I will lovingly refer to my husband as Stupid. I mean it with all the love in my heart)
Well, Stupid gets done golfing and whisks me to the Marina and moments later he is already urging me to move faster. We had to cross a bridge, over water, that bounced. I stationed myself securely in the middle and tiptoed down the length of it. One would think I was walking the plank on a pirate ship with piranha's underfoot. Nope, just trying to get to the boat rental facility. I got there, suited up with one life jacket since they roared with laughter when I asked for two. Guess they couldn't see me turning green around the gills. (pardon the bad pun)
Load up! I am ready! I am not ready! Panic sinks in, but I can't run away and hide because it would take me 30 minutes to get over that damn bridge that is only about 20 feet long. I suck at life at this point. We are on the beast and Stupid is at the wheel. No wake zone, no problem I tell myself. Then a mere 1.75 minutes into the trip I am about to vomit, I have tears in the corners of my eyes and I asked politely to be put back on the deck. Something along the lines of "this would be so much more fun without me. Just take me back and have a good time." I was about to vomit and Stupid merely chuckled. I didn't know what a no wake zone was, I do know. Did you know that you go super slow there and faster than the speed of light on the rest of the beastly water?!?!??!?!?!?!? I soon found out.
Stupid wanted, with all his little, beating heart, to toss his wife off into the water. Now, I am deathly afraid of water (have I mentioned that?) and I don't like to swim. I will, every now and again, but I must trust the people I am with. At this point, with the howling laughter coming from my husband, I realized he wasn't to be trusted. So, full fledged sobbing starts and I am holding on to a strap on the seat of the jet ski like a bull rider. I have one hand on him, but I don't trust him to not just jump off the moving watercraft. This sucked! It was the dumbest thing I could think of. At one point, upon mentioning my fear again in case he had missed it the other times I have said it over the six years of our relationship, I told him the only thing worse would be if coyotes could swim. That set me into another mode of panic, scanning the beaches for those evil beasts. That is another topic all together.
I came to the conclusion the world is safer without my main squeeze being in the psychology field because if you are afraid of snakes, I believe he would toss you in a den of them and make you "deal" with it. I wanted so bad to bite the flesh of his shoulder! He would gun it, chase boats to jump in their wake and all that shit. I am pretty sure I made fish blush with the string of profanity coming out of my mouth. His words were this "Why are you scared of water? There is nothing to be scared of! Just relax!" Then he would figure eight and jump things. Hum.... wonder why I am scared? I could DIE. Enough about that fear.
So, we got our hour in, looked at some houses on the beach (you can find me living there in two years after I retire for the millions I will make on my heated port-o-potty seat cover) and went back to the dock. As I feebly got off the contraption, the rental kid asked me how I liked it. All I could say was "I am deathly afraid of water, so I can't comment." His eyes shot to full attention and he apologized and gave Stupid a cross look. That was victory enough for me.
Next stop the pool. Riddle me this- I don't like water? Okay, I can handle. Some drinks by the pool, book reading and chatting with Circle K before dinner and a live band= HEAVEN. Thanks to everyone for reading and please don't mess with water because you could die. Well, maybe I just have a skewed version of water safety.... drink it, don't ride around in tin cans on it.
Tootles!
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