For about six months now, an unfinished e-mail has been staring at me from my "draft" box. I have never finished it, but read it from time to time. It makes me laugh, but what dumb ideas that I concoct don't make me laugh?
That e-mail is to the group at "What Not to Wear." It is titled "Tossing myself under the bus." I want them to fix me. My style sucks. I just normally look as haphazard as my car, which is a general reflection of the state of my middle office desk drawer. That all is a generalization for my life.... half assed and sloppy.
I believe that all solid colors go together. I make jewelry only to sell it. I don't have to wear my heals anymore and am forced to literally dust them off when I attempt to wear them out. My North Face is a symbol of my winter life, as I wear it all day every day in my arctic office. The only time I really care about putting outfits together is when I go to a cattle show and nine times out of 10 I am too hungover at least once to give two hoots about what I am going to wear.
I believe in spray tanning and fake nails, but have not done either in ages. My personal appearance right now is that of Courtney Love, in my opinion. My nails/nail polish is almost off, but not quit. I looked at my eyebrows and noticed they are almost eyelashes. My flat lifeless hair was half wet when I scampered out the door. My life is a series of motions that only can be described as hitting the snooze button.
In my attempt to get them to give me the $5,000 Visa card and take me to NYC, I explain a few things like that to them, but then point out that I do have some stuff i wouldn't want them to toss out. I have to have my barn jeans and I never wear my sweats in public, so surely they could spare those right? My cowboy boots have to live on, even the ones that I have had for 13 years now. Never know when you have to go break calves. So, more or less I want them to come and put my clothes together in outfits for me. They won't do it, I won't send the e-mail and thus I will continue to resemble the wife of a panhandler with the style of a train wreck.
Anyone have any good fashion ideas? Anyone want to come help me out? I would love to shop with someone, get more staple pieces that are easy to toss on and roll. Please, please share with me.... but don't do the "here is a fashion board" BS on me b/c I am so ADD I won't even notice if there are pants.
Please and thanks.
so, every night i have the highest aspirations that i'm going to spring right up out of bed and not hit the snooze 5 times, take a quick, refreshing shower after which i not only dry all of my hair (not just the top before i throw it into a pony tail), i actually style it, and then after flawlessly applying my make-up, i go into my closet and pick out the most stunning of outfits-you know, one that everyone i see will complement me on with things like, "how do you WALK in those amazing heels?!"
ReplyDeletethis is how my morning usually goes:
6:00 am - alarm goes off for the first time, intentionally set at this god awful hour, so that i can hit the snooze for AT least 30 minutes, but let's be truthful, usually 45, because 6:45 is the very last, living on the edge second that i can drag my lazy dead ass out of bed and still get to my car pool buddy's house at an acceptable time.
6:45 am - actually drag my ass out of warm bed, not in perky pop-tart fashion.
6:48-7:05 am - attempt to wake up, aka shower. i always think that i was in there for 5 minutes and every day it's at least 17 minutes. what the hell do i do in there?!
7:05-7:15 am - apply make-up, typically flawlessly, but always in the same generic colors because i have not selected my stunning outfit ahead of time and have no idea what i will throw on. also use this time to dry the TOP of my hair...and throw the rest into a crappy ponytail. make note that i should get it cut so i'm forced to do something with it. quickly forget that.
7:15-7:18 am - walk into closet to select stunning outfit. look at all clothes for 3 minutes, determine what produces the smallest muffin top (ah, trusty black pants) and what slimming black shirt i haven't worn for a few days.
7:19-7:23 am - put on clothes, attempt to dress up sorry black outfit and standard pony with some sort of colored jewelry. silently swear to myself for being late AGAIN. swear at the cat for needing fed and the dog for needing to go out and jason for not being awake to HELP ME.
7:24-7:26 am - feed the cat, potty the dog, throw together a crappy lunch, run out the door, swearing at myself for not starting the car. this is when i begin to accept that i WON'T make the 10 minute drive to car buddy's by 7:30, because i've been in denial until now.
after all this, i get to my office, look at myself in the mirror and think, much like mia in the princess diaries, "once again, this is as good as it's going to get."
so, you're not alone. maybe there is a support group for people like us?!