Guilt

(Note to self... make sure you save as a draft before you log out. My bad.)

The basis behind the initial blog I was going to post was about a mother's guilt. I have never once felt guilty about anything. Well, that is a lie. I think I felt bad a few times about sleeping in and making my parents feed or for skipping out on my girlfriends for a loser boyfriend. But I mean, an all consuming guilt.
I don't want this to be another drag ass, boring mom blog, but I want to vent maybe. I even feel bad right now typing this because there are bottles to clean. Mind you the water is skin boiling hot, so there isn't much I can do right this second, but still. I feel it.

I used to love Target. Now I second guess each purchase, spend my alone time there analyzing what I am buying, how Surround Sound will like eating it, am I saving enough, do I have a freakin' coupon. Are you shitting me? This is my life. Yes, yes it is. Bitter pill to swallow.

My guilt starts in the morning when I hear someone one whining and I turn a deaf ear to them. No kids- 6:30 isn't a respectable time to wake up. I don't care who you are. You aren't running Apple or a multi-million dollar company. Then again, those CEO's don't have a wet diaper. I digress. But, I do start with the worrying, second guessing and guilt from the get go.

My house. My wonderful new house....... Doesn't feel like home. Sorry, but I want to come home and not have a worry. Like college. Get done with class, have Jello Shots for dinner and go to the bar after a mean old power nap. That would make it feel like home. Hold down the couch for a Sunday and watch the Hills reruns. Not set on couch,  bounce up to waking child, march from room to room finding pacifiers, etc. AND, I want to decorate from the waist down. This two mobile children syndrome could kill my creativity. Mind you mean, when they are old enough to not break there toe with a giant candle holder, momma will have a house that rivals most hoarders shows!

Another source of my guilt is my excitement to leave them for a day, rob wireless Internet and work from various establishments by my home. Nope. I don't check in. I know Miss Leslie loves them like I do. I just work, eat lovely pastries and try to figure out how to pay the bills.

I quit my job. Guilt, party of two, come and take your table. Wow. It was a touch choice and NO I didn't do it to be a stay at home mom. I did it so I wouldn't drive my car into a lake, to be honest. It sucked, but it was the best thing I could have done. Now people that like me, trust me and believe in me are helping me out. But, I still wonder if I can make ends meet, supply enough love and formula for Surround Sound while finding time to bathe at least twice a week. No joke. No joke on that point.

So my question is; when does the guilt stop? Does it? Does it just turn in to pure pleasure because that is all we know? I don't want it to turn to bitterness about time lost on myself, blah, blah, because believe you me- my kids crack my face up all the time. Case in point....

For these two, I can learn to deal with guilt and turn it into a source of Pride some day. Some day far, far away. Until then, I will continue to tailgate with them, take them to sales and show them off with love:)
Tada- I am done:)

June is going to rock and roll.....

So, if you don't see me much, hear from me here or on FB, do send out the authorities. Here is my laundry list of things in to do in June.

1- Complete another article for the Maine Anjou Voice. Here is the first one I wrote. So excited to get to work with them again!

2- Trip to Indiana. I have to get Surround Sound up there in June. I can't wait any longer. The plans still haven't came together on this just yet. I have my feelers out for some co-pilots, because I know I cannot do it alone. 12 hours, twins and me.... can you say INSANITY! So, I hope to make it home for a full week. Pieces of the puzzle that are still missing- when, who, asking my boss, get my oil changed!

3- Purge and pack our house. We SOLD our home, bought a new one and close at the end of June. Our house might be done by then, it is a new build, or it will be done earlier. I went over yesterday to attempt and bribe the men with beer. I want to move piece by piece, not all at once. Suggestions on how to only move 1/2 mile to the West???

4- Teach my kids to crawl. Just because.

5- Concure whatever office tasks my boss sends my way. Sure hope I maintain my employment!!

6- Not get sucked in to Pinterest. I caved. Here I am.....

7- Have a garage sale. Do I try to do it at the new house, or here, or at an addition in town. Soliciting people in the OKC area that have a home in town to ask me to bring my stuff! LOL. I have a ton of stuff in the attic/storage area from last summer, which I am scared to see after last summer, and I need to get ride of more. See item 3!

8- Insert your own request here!

9- Learn to balance my checkbook and not have $0 in my account again.

10- Mail my mother's day presents to the women in my life!

Okay. I wrote this list to be held accountable. Make me do all this. Thanks.

Random questions from strangers

I promise I will not keep a blog about just mom crap. But, this one is to express my concern for the human race. While I incubated Surround Sound, I fielded a ton of questions and thought they would stop once I had them. Nope. No. Not even close to correct.

Mind you, I went full-term with twins who came into the world at a whopping 13 pounds (total!) So, I wasn't a delicate looking, cute, always put together pregnant lady. I know a few like that and I want to shove cupcakes down their faces:) I was large and not in charge, but I worked until the Friday before my c-section. I was asked a kabillion times when I was due and at the end I must have looked like it would occur at any second.

Some of the pregnancy questions were the traditional what are you having? When are you due? Were you trying? blah, blah. But, being litter bearing I got more detailed questions. When I would say "they are due....." people would instantly ask me what they were and then ask if I was on drugs to do it. My response became "Well, I was drunk when it happened. Do you count Bud Light as a drug?" Don't ever ask a pregnant person if they were trying IVF or anything like that. It's just in bad taste because not everyone wants to shout it from the roof tops. Some things are private. *For the record, I simply won the genetic lottery and got the two cutest aliens in the world.

I also got a lot of questions about going back to work or when I was quitting my job. People.... I like working. I like adult interaction. I like getting out and using my brain. Why is it still ingrained in people's brains that women want to stop working when they have a child/children? Not that staying at home with a baby isn't work, but it isn't my idea of fun. I do it three days a week, while working on my 40-hour a week job stuff. I can do it and I want to. If you believe a woman must stay home, please stop reading.

My twice weekly doctors appointments for the last two months of my pregnancy was always laced with this question- "Are you having contractions?" I guess I was having little ones, but I wasn't going to go in to labor. I chatted with Surround Sound and told them come hell or high water they were getting out via an incision. But, after about three weeks of this question, I finally told the nurse that asking a first time mom if she is having contractions is like asking a virgin if she has had an orgasm. Pretty sure I had nothing to go on to know.

More people than I ever imagined ask this question, even knowing that they are boy/girl twins... "Are they identical?" Penis/vagina. End of subject. Do science teachers not teach any more?!

And then there was the ever annoying question of "Don't you love the feeling and experience of being pregnant?" Are you kidding me with that noise?!? What is fun about losing sight of your toes, spending money on fat kid clothes that never will be utilized again, spending endless amounts of time being poked and prodded by a rude doctor and then not being able to enjoy a whole summer or tailgate season?!?! If you loved pregnancy and had the glow and all that BS- congrats. But, it doesn't mean your kids are cuter or more fun than mine. I just couldn't wait to meet them. Someone else could have carried them for all I cared. I still knew they would be the bomb b/c their dad rocks. (score a bonus point for me!)

So, just don't ever ask someone if they are pregnant..... b/c they might just be fat. Don't ask a pregnant person if they work out. Don't tell someone you don't even know and have only seen once that they look great for just having had twins. Yes- that is you women in the town of Frederick, Okla. Do you hear me?!?!? I could have been a size 0 before this adventure started, you don't know.

But, all in all, questions intrigue me. It means people notice me:) But, think before you open your mouth. They aren't identical!! LOL.

Peace, Love and crabs- kck

6 months ago today!!!

Things I have learned since calving

Ya, I know. I have only been in possession of Surround Sound for almost six months, but I have learned some valuable lessons I should pass on:) teeheehee.

Granted, I lug two kids around, and you probably don't (and that sucks for you because to appease your urge to have more kids, you have to be pregnant again and endure the utter boredom that comes with it!) And, I am NOT going to tell you having a kid is the most amazing thing in the world, because they can be giant pain in the asses most of the time. Plus, I know how annoying advice can be because I got it twice as many times from annoying, peppy soccer mom wanna be's who just couldn't wait to start play groups and stuff. Make me want to vomit by the way, because I still have a full time job.... until I get let go or something.

One thing I have learned is nice people are still alive. Just yesterday, I was pushing SS and pulling my cart of groceries and two women offered to help me out by pushing the cart. I declined b/c it is a pain in the ass to get the kids in, load the stroller then put the groceries in, but it was great to have someone smile at me with entertainment in their eyes, not pity. I have even had a check out clerk at Target offer to find someone to help me out. They don't do that very often. It was sweet, but again my stubborn side won and out we went, alone, into the Oklahoma wind.

Coupons are a must because then you don't have to feel guilt for buying beer!!!! Or am I the only parent that finds guilt wash over them whenever they spend their hard earned money on themselves in the form of cheap shades, beer or a gossip magazine?!?!?! Raise your hand if you are like me. Now put them down and go buy yourself something. It doesn't make us bad people at all. So, I find coupons in all sorts of places, double them up and save money. The most I have saved is $39 in one trip. That is pretty good because I wasn't insane coupon crazy and buying 42 containers of cream cheese and 44 things of Gatorade.

Park by the cart return. You single baby mommas can get a cart and toss your child in there and STILL get groceries. Not that I am jealous or anything, but blah to you:) But, the other good thing is that you are close to it and can return the cart without some crazy person seeing a child in the car alone and calling DHS on you. Which, is a stupid rule any more. This chick can't go on a road trip because my bladder will betray me and force me to have a bathroom break. But nnnnnoooooo. That will turn into a 45 minute stop for all three of us. Ugh. Anywho. I digress.

One other little piece of parking lot advice- don't pull through the spot. I am normally that person because I suck so bad at the actual parking part of driving (and driving in general). So, I have found that it never fails that a mother pulls through a spot in the back of the parking lot, no one else is around and then bam... a giant truck with camo stickers all over it pulls right up behind them. Therefore there is no room to open the trunk to put your stroller back in, you cuss the OU fan who has never been on campus before for being such a complete and total idiot all the while your stroller full of kids starts to roll away. True story. Thanks for reading.

One more thing..... and then I will stop annoying you. I have learned that I got so damn lucky! My boring pregnancy yielded me two funny ass kids and one great dad in Chisolm. Just yesterday, Chuck decided everything I did was hilarious. I have awarded her the title of my BFF because who doesn't want a BFF that laughs at every joke?!?! That is what I pay her to do. And, I know that I don't want to not have a full-time job, I couldn't give it up, but I also figured out that it is easy to forget to look at my day planner. So, in an attempt to keep my job, I am going back to work.

Cheers!

Holy Changes Batman

Okay. I blow at blogging! I haven't done this in a coons age. So here I am again, making an attempt to rock your world and fill you in. However, my life is an open book... an open Facebook, that is.

In the past year, not one aspect of my little life has stayed the same. My family doubled, we outgrew our house, I paid off my car, sold land and I haven't had a glass of tea. My addiction to coffee creamer started and took over my life. I ruined a pair of Sperry's with my large pregger feet and replaced them with an exact replica. The darkside took me over and I drank the iPad kool-aid, meaning I now download books and read them on it:( I haven't seen a movie and the words to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse run through my head on a constant loop. I gained 40 pounds and lost 55, but things just don't seem the same.... hum... wonder why?

What else has happened- I started as a sales rep for Ranch House Designs, so if you need any websites or layout work done, I have the hookup. Coupons now accompany me on every trip to the store. My designer purses need dusting since I have to lug so much baby crap around, but I still feel like I need a new one. My bank account has never seen ending monthly balances this low, but Surround Sound must eat. And eat they do. Whenever they freakin' want:)

We dominate grocery shopping with the stroller and a cart, and one adult. I can handle it! Charli and I planted a garden in old mineral tubs.

So far, SS can set up, hold their bottles when they deem it needed, but they can't change their own diapers yet. Damn!

I will try to do better at this. I want to make a mark in the world and or maybe make you laugh. So, my next blog will be something along the lines of humorous!
Thanks for your love and best wishes. I appreciate them:)

My odd encounters with humans as of late

It seems that this protruding thing I tote around causes much attention. Well, that might be because it enters a room before I do:>( Mark my words.... my boobs will start entering a room before I do once again soon, oh so very soon. Either naturally or cosmetically enhanced ones. ANYWHO... I digress.

So, lately I have had some very random encounters with humans. Take yesterday for example. I traipse in to a gas station, one that I am not a regular at by any means, and this girl goes ape shit over my bump/bulge/speed hump/whatever. Mind you- I have NEVER in my life seen this Mexican girl. I was befuddled by the fact that this young girl was not in school, as in why in the hell was she not at the high school up the road? Why was she here, annoying me? Well, Yukon doesn't have the deepest gene pool, so I chalked it up to the failed education system.

Well, this total and complete strangers says things about how big I am, when are you due and then the UNTHINKABLE happens. She asks if she can touch it! Are you strokin' me, smalls? What? Who does that to a stranger? Not me. I said "No, that is a very odd request." She follows me to the drink dispenser. I was being stalked in the store and the allure of just a little bit of Sprite had me trapped. Finally, I gave her the stink eye that I have perfected on the Paparazzi Aunt that belongs to Chisolm. It scared Mexican and along I went without being pawed.

Another gas station incident wasn't so much about me, as it was him. I am tooling out of the lot and I glimpse to my left. No, I couldn't have seen what I think I saw! There is no way in hell anyone is that dumb.... well, I was wrong. I stare at this gentleman for moments. I completely stop my car to glare at him. Yep. He was smoking..... while pumping gas...... while wearing OU clothes. I am so glad he doesn't wear the colors of the school I love and call home. How embarrassing, huh? And, my other question- how can something like a smoke have that much hold over you that you can't wait three minutes until you are back in your car and driving off? Because I know damn good and well that he wasn't above smoking in his 1997 Ford Fiesta. I squealed out of there, followed by many other people who possessed OSU Alumni stickers. We aren't no dummies!

The fed ex man had some child naming advice for me. His real God given name is Barney. He goes by Joe. He said... don't name your kid Barney. That damn purple dinosaur ruined it for everyone. Okay. So, with that wisdom, you can draw the conclusion that I won't have a son named Barney come Monday. Or daughter, I guess, in our case.

And this last one is a nice one. I was deep into conversing with my mom the other day as I pulled back into work. I thought nothing of it, sat in my car and was there for over 10 minutes. And the reason I know that is b/c Larz shut the radio off on me. So, chat, chat, chat and the local bar fly/owner comes up to me. Mind you, I office between two bars and across the street from one. This particular owner is ALWAYS out there at noon, Bud Light in hand, with his drinking buddy John. As I leave my office for lunch or whatnot, we inevitably chat and the chats lately have been about the rapid growth on my frontal side.

So, in my car I set and here he comes. Mom's chatting, I tell her to hush it and the bar fly says "Are you okay? John and I saw you pull up and you haven't gotten out, so we were scared you were in labor." Now wasn't that nice? They paid attention to someone and took the time to worry. That isn't something that happens every day. If I were in NYC, do you think someone would have observed that and had the slightest bit of worry? Nope. Only in the small town. As I finally make my way to the office, they yelled at me that it was November and I could have these kids any day. Our innocent random chats have stuck with them. That sort of makes me believe in humans. Not sure why. Maybe it's the "hormones"

Okay, until later. I should finish my actual office work. Yes. Still in the office. Mind you, I don't make rocket ships, so it isn't too strenuous!

A-Z about me

Stole this b/c I am not feeling to whoopee today. Just blah, and it has been forever since I decided to teach you anything. HA.

1- Apples or Oranges: Apples- granny smith or pink ladies. Have to be crispy- NO MUCH!
2- Bed.... YES PLEASE! Oh wait- I have one, yep.
3- Chore I hate- putting clothes away. That and folding them.
4- Dog- Not allowed to have one:(
5- Essential start to day- Brushing teeth!!!!!
6- Favorite color- OSU Orange, pretty please
7- Gold or Silver? Silver all the way.
8- Height- 5 foot 9 1/2 inches. Yes, give me my 1/2 please?
9- Instruments I play? None. Tried the sax in elementary, but only thing I learned was to forge my daddy's signature:)
10- Job you most liked- had a blast at Toys R Us one Christmas season.
11- Kids... Incubating two right now that are about to be served with an eviction notice.
12- Live in: brick and mortar for sale house.. anyone want to buy it?
13- Make of Car. Dodge, much to my grandfathers chagrin.
14- Nicknames? Keffer, Princess, Bones
15- Overnight hospital stays- none YET, see number 11
16- Pet Peeves? sucking teeth, whispering to yourself, dragging your feet and making me put my clothes away.
17- Quote from a movie... I am drawing a blank right meow.
18- Scary movies, yes or no? HELL to the NO!
19- TV Shows- too many since we got a dvr. Gossip Girl, Greys, Wheel of Fortune
20- Underwear. Hate them. Despise them, see no use for them.
21- Vegetables I hate.... Brussel sprouts but have never eaten them, radishes,
22- What makes me run late? The simple act of attempting to wake up. Can't do it. Always late. have been since birth.
23- x-rays? Plenty as a kid.
24- Yummy food I make? Hum.. I do actually cook. What is yummy? All of it?
25- Zoo Animal- Love me some dressed fancy penguins!

Tada!