Anger

I am, by nature, not an angry person. I am a helper. A doer. An annoying talk to fast, brainstorm on the fly gal. I don't deal well with being pushed around or argued with. But as of late, I am angry.  But not as angry as one of my family members. They are just down right evil and I know they have been dealt a raw hand lately. I ask you this- how do you deal with a person that won't listen?

Things in my life piss me off these days. I find myself arguing for no reason, unable to stop the word vomit from spewing out of my mouth. I am aware of this. I am working on it. But this family member isn't noticing these things in themselves, just pointing these flaws out in me.

Let me stand up for myself for one second: I have a few people in my life that will argue with me on ever point. "The sky is blue," I say. "NO, you are dead wrong," they say. I call these people friends, but about the time I start to stand up for myself they shut down. That makes me mad. Why do I have to take it and deal with it in good humor? Because of the points I started this blog with, I guess.

My lack of full time, paycheck twice a month, job makes me angry. The reasons that caused me to leave the job, due to the bonehead owner, make me mad. The fact that he couldn't grow a set of nuts and fire me gets me pissed. But, instead of brooding about it, I found other ways to bring in checks. I don't ever want my husband to assume I want him to support me. I love work, was bred to work.

Sure, I lost my mom here on Earth. She isn't lost in Spirit. I can handle that. I really can. Now, mind you I am not totally going about "handling" it in the right way, but for now it works. I might say "I am fine" one too many times or drink one too many beers. I know that. I am not too scared to ask for help. Getting through a death doesn't come with a recipe that works for everyone.

But this family member is jaded. I can't get them to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Short of pushing that person to seek counseling, I don't know what to do. I am afraid I will BLOW up and lose them for good. They tell me I am not handling things in an effective manner. Neither are you pal. But, if I am a helper, why am I just letting it make me mad and not helping that person? Because I am scared? Yep. I am a big old fradey cat.

In what ways can a person get headed in the right direction and get rid of the anger? What makes the tears finally fall? Who is the best person to help? And why, when that family member gets defensive, do they point out my recent weight gain? Well the answer to that one is they know it will piss me off and get me in their face. Ooops. Guess I am a bit angry about that.

And even as I typed that I once again wonder why I even give a shit. How come the ones of us that seem strong, have to always be that way, even when we just want to drive off? There are times that the last place on Earth I want to go it home. I think everyone feels that at some point in their life. I mean, it is an amazing house filled with badass kids and a perfect husband. (retraction- perfect for us husband) But I mean, come on...... routines are in place, days are laid out, the house gets dirty. If I keep busy, I don't think. If I slow down, I think and I want to drive to Orlando, hang out with Mickey Mouse and forget life. Am I wrong? Nope. Just one of the few mom's who will admit it. And that makes my family member livid at me.

Maybe I am the common denominator in this whole deal. Maybe I am causing all of that person's anger by caring and wanting to help. That might be the ticket. But come hell or high water I am in this to win it. I am going to let that person know that I am not leaving them alone until we are all not angry any more. What else is there to do? Batton down the hatches and hold on to your purses, ladies. .... this is going to be a bumpy ride.

Having forced you folks to read this rant makes me smile. You poor people:) But then again, I wonder if it seems extremely stupid to type this, asking for the golden ticket of therapy to help us all out of this rut. There is not golden ticket to life, contrary to what some people think. I will just spell check this, post it and call that family member to let them yell at me, saving the next person from the dickheadedness that is that person these days. Please continue to love that person. They are really cool and don't mean what they say.

KCK